THE NEW CHURCH OF GAIL (2012)
(Terrance Jenkins wrote on August 15, 2012) ME AND THE PRESIDENT OF MENSA HAVE BE TRYIN’ TO TAKE A TOUR OF EVERY ROOM IN THE NEW CHURCH OF GAIL. I TELL YA. THIS CHURCH CITY IS HUGE! WE KEEP FINDIN’ ALL THESE NEW ANTI-JESUIT TECHNOLOGIES IN EVERY ROOM WE LOOK IN! IN ONE ROOM, WE FOUND A MACHINE THAT CAN MEASURE ANY PERSON’S INTELLIGENCE REMOTELY. HOW AMAZING! THE PRESIDENT OF MENSA WAS REALLY INTERESTED IN THIS MACHINE CAUSE HE SUSPECTS THAT THEY MIGHT BE JESUIT MENTAL RETARDS WHO CHEATED ON THE IQ TESTS TO GET IN MENSA. I TOLD HIM HE COULD USE IT TO TEST ANYONE HE WANTED.
WE DECIDED TO TEST YOUR INTELLIGENCE JUST FOR FUN, AND WE BE AMAZED! YOU HAVE A VERY SPECIAL TYPE OF INTELLIGENCE THAT MEASURED OFF THE SCALES! THE PRESIDENT OF MENSA IMMEDIATELY CALLED HIS MENSA BUDDIES, AND THEY DECIDED THAT AN HONORARY MENSA MEMBERSHIP WASN’T ENOUGH FOR YOU GAIL. THEY NAMED YOU THE MOST BRILLIANT WOMAN ALIVE! NOW IT BE OFFICIAL!
ME AND THE PRESIDENT OF MENSA IS GOING TO FINISH UP OUR TOUR OF THE NEW CHURCH SPACESHIP CITY. IT LOOKS LIKE VLADIMIR JUST FOUND A ROOM WITH A JUDO CHOP TRAINING MACHINE. THAT MAN LOVES HIS JUDO CHOPS.
(Terrance Jenkins email to Gail on August 15, 2012) OH MY GOODNESS GAIL! WITH ALL THE EXCITEMENT ABOUT YOU BEIN’ NAMED THE MOST BRILLIANT WOMAN ALIVE, I FORGOT TO SEND YOU THE PICTURES AND VIDEO OF THE NEW CHURCH YOU WAS GOING TO MAKE ON YOUTUBE!
ME AND ALL THE MEN HAVE BEEN GETTING A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT IF WE WAS GOING TO BUILD A NEW CHURCH AFTER THE OLD ONE EXPLODED IN THE SPACE BATTLE. EVERYONE WILL BE SO EXCITD WHEN THEY HEAR FROM YOU THAT WE HAVE A NEW CHURCH THAT IS SO MUCH BIGGER AND MORE POWERFUL. THAN THE LAST ONE.
(Brent Spiner emailed Gail on August 16, 2012) I guess Jesus did a good job of mentally preparing me for this kind of situation, by having me become a celebrity early on in my life. Crazy Gail Wiki reminds me of one big tabloid news article. By the way, celebrities never stand a good chance of suing the tabloid companies for nasty rumors or private information spread about them in the press, either. As long as they claim that the works are for “satire” or “entertainment purposes only”, they can get away with anything. The Jesuits are just like a bunch of tabloid news reporters tailing a celebrity, and their favorite celebrity is definitely you!
Anyway, I wanted to tell you about the church! As I recall, we didn’t get to discussing this in any great detail the other night on Skype. The reason it looks like Stargate Atlantis is because Jesus had us use the television series as a way to cover up the construction of the church. Remember when he said that he had to keep its construction secret from the Jesuits? He specifically did this by fabricating a whole television series using the church, playing it off as a mere set prop. It took us a little longer to build it that way, because we had to stop and let the film crews use it from time to time, but it was extremely effective in covering up what the building was really being used for. We were never once questioned about it. The only problem with doing this is that Jesuits can claim copyright violation, since it “comes from a television series”, but the major benefit for us is that it doesn’t look like Jesus has gotten involved with building us the church at all (which I feel far outweighs any of the cons to doing it this way). He did a very clever job at hiding it. If the Jesuits knew what was really going on, then just as Terrance said, Satan would have returned and built them a church to take on ours. So we had to be very sneaky. In order to maintain the illusion, we sort of have to “wink wink” its existence to our fans and audience. We can’t tell them the story behind it. Here’s a bit of trivia for you though — some of the “actors” (and especially the background actors) were members of our own nanotechnology research team! In a few cases some of them even had zero experience with acting, and we had to run them through a crash course so they could help us out. In the end, I think we all did a great job. It was a little elaborate, but it is what Jesus wanted us to do.
Your film is coming along so great. I’ve decided to make a teaser trailer for it, using the material we have so far, to help advertise. I will let you know as soon as it is finished, and send it to you. I think you’ll really like it. I was able to call up my old friend Don LaFontaine (the guy that does all the official voiceovers for mainstream movie trailers) and he was happy to work with me on this. I will certainly keep you updated.
Brent Spiner created the video above for me in 2012.
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