Gail and Sex (from Crazy Gail Wiki – taken down in 2014)

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Gail and sex

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Gail is both hypersexual and yet strangely sheltered, expressing both an extreme craving for sex while simultaneously having extremely limited understanding of what it actually entails and what she’s supposed to do. While this type of thinking might be normal for a teenager or even an inexperienced young adult, Gail is a woman of good vintage and formerly married, so one would naturally assume that she had a more matured grasp of the realities of sex, especially when it comes to how part A fits into slot B. On the contrary, Gail’s sexuality is as much of a riddle as the rest of her psychology.





For a woman past reproductive age, Gail is extremely sexual. Theories include hypersexuality as a product of her mental illness, or simply a method in which to fill deep emotional voids. Whatever the case, on tame days she masturbates at least nightly and claims to receive constant sexual messages from the men throughout the day, enough to distract her with arousal and telepathic dirty talk at work. On far worse days, she spends her time entirely in bed masturbating, to the point she neglects her daily chores.

Failing to understand intimacy, Gail has a tendency to insert her overt sexuality in places where it doesn’t belong, selfishly walking over the personal sexual boundaries of her lovers during inappropriate times. When Brent Spiner remembers his rape of Loree McBride and falls into a deep depression, Gail attempts to heal him by making nude videos of herself and insisting they have a lot of sex to make the memories of rape go away. She similarly responds to the rapes of other men by making nude videos and having sex with them in a misguided attempt to straighten them back out.

When Vladimir Putin had a near fatal heart attack, rendering him unable to have sex with Gail, he volunteered Matthew McConaughey as his replacement for a month. This implies that Gail couldn’t wait an entire month for a supposed husband to recover from a heart attack before demanding sex, and would easily substitute another man for this purpose. She praises Vladimir for his valor in allowing her a sexual surrogate.

Brain to Brain Loving

In the 90’s Vladimir Putin introduced the concept of brain to brain communication and with it, brain to brain loving, to Gail. He introduced the technology by one day manifesting as a voice speaking to Gail in her head, seducing her with sexy talk and demanding she go into the next room to have wild, passionate telepathic sex. Her mom was in the next room during this time.

Since this day, Gail has engaged in similar sexual acts with several other men on her marriage list, and regularly does it with Brent Spiner. This currently her primary level of sexual activity and she takes it very seriously.

Brain to Brain loving amounts to Gail laying in bed under the covers with a pillow on top of her as she masturbates externally.

Sexual Morals

As a well behaved Christian girl, Gail strictly believed in no sex before marriage and went to intense lengths to prevent it from happening. During the time she was dating her ex-husband David Schuler, they never once hugged, touched or kissed, so as not to risk temptation and sexual arousal.

Gail’s morals would hit a frustrating impass when she began to cheat on her husband with Brent Spiner (which would later lead her to create some self-serving loopholes to fix it). She told Brent she would not have sex with him because she was married, but was apparently okay with emotional cheating and phone sex.

When Gail divorced her husband, she started to have brain to brain sex with Vladimir Putin and various other men, including Brent Spiner. Gail claims that brain to brain sex is not only on equal level with real sex, but that it is better than real sex. However, to guard her sexual integrity, she creates several levels of cognitive dissonance to make sure all of her moral bases are covered should she be questioned about it from any angle.

When confronted with the fact that she is not married to Brent Spiner, she claims that sex, including brain to brain sex, is marriage in the eyes of God. Therefore, if she has had sex with Brent Spiner, they are married, which makes the sex okay. The sex=marriage concept runs into a few walls when one considers that she has had brain to brain sex with several men, and furthermore that none of these men are virgins, which should mean that all of them are already married at the time she is having sex with them, and that Gail herself is still officially married to her ex husband. Even when this issue is ignored, the sex=marriage argument falls apart completely whenever she is confronted with the fact then that she is sleeping with multiple men at the same time, in which case she changes her argument to an entirely opposite claim that she has only had real sex with her ex-husband, and that the brain to brain sex doesn’t count.

Basically, no matter which way the concept is attacked, Gail has a means to explain that she is not engaging in any taboo sexual behavior.

Unrealistic Expectations

Gail admits that her ideal view of sex comes from the romance movies she enjoys. She dreams about cliche, safe for TV love scenes which she sees as a model for how real sex should work and indeed, how real romance between real couples should work. While most teenage girls pass through this phase and adult women know how to quarantine these exaggerated ideas to fantasy, Gail will not tolerate anything less than perfect Hollywood romance in her reality.

This clash of realities may explain the lack of physical knowledge she appears to display, even though she had a great deal of actual physical sex with her ex-husband. Gail claims that Brent Spiner’s penis is roughly 18 inches long, and that Vladimir’s girth is more than 2.5 inches across. While she realizes that these dimensions are not normal (speaking with excitement how about Vladimir will stretch her out and Brent will have to do her in strange positions) she is unaware that what she is imagining is actually physically impossible.

In The Dildo Call, Gail is confronted with a sex toy that is roughly half the size dimensions she is imagining for Vladimir Putin and Brent Spiner (9 inches long and 2 inches wide). When she attempts to use the dildo and fails to even insert it, she comes to the conclusion that there must be a special way men are able to penetrate a woman and that she simply doesn’t have the same amount of strength to pull it off.

“It requires a man’s force” –Gail

See Also

The Dildo
Gail and Romance

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  • This page was last modified on 22 April 2012, at 22:51.
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Copyright © 2011 – 2018 Zack Knight & Gail Chord Schuler. All Rights Reserved.