What I Want In A Man (Written in 2002)

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WHAT I WANT IN A MAN (I WROTE THIS IN 2002 and updated it in Feb. 2006 below)–please notice that I didn’t focus on looks, financial status, fame or physical attractiveness.

What I put asterisks (**) by is what I have doubts about in Vladimir right now, and I’ll really have doubts if he allows my checks to bounce, because he didn’t give me the money I needed to meet my needs and I had to overextend myself. 

Though I’d like to say, that if he fails in 2, 3 or 10–I believe it’s not because he isn’t masculine at heart, but because he has so many hang-ups (psychologically) that he ‘s incapable of having these qualities (when it comes to me).  For Matt, the doubts may be that I just don’t know him well enough yet.  Perhaps if I met him, these doubts would vanish in a minute. 

As you can see, I see a lot of positive traits in all these men (obviously, or I wouldn’t allow them to be my legal husbands).  So far, Brent meets all 13 qualities, with 1 question mark.  So far, Vladimir meets 12 qualities, fails 1 quality, with 3 question marks.  So far, Matt meets 12 qualities (his age is beyond his control), with 5 question marks.  If Vladimir fails me by allowing my checks to bounce, he will fail qualities 2, 3 and 10 and I will drop him from first place marriage consideration. 

All 3 of these men should be honored, since I meet few men who possess so many of the following qualities, that’s why I will retain all of them as my friends, no matter what.  I will put my ex-husband, David, in this, just for comparison’s sake.  When I married my husband in my 20s, I didn’t know myself, so I didn’t know what I really needed in a man:        

1.  Passionate➔Vladimir (Yes), Matt (Yes), Brent (Yes), David (No).

**2. Masculine➔Vladimir (probably), Matt (Yes), Brent (probably), David (No).

**3. Character & Dependability➔Vladimir (probably), Matt (probably), Brent (Yes), David (Yes).

4. Bigness of Heart — Generous➔Vladimir (Yes), Matt (Yes), Brent (Yes), David (No).

5. Intelligence (Brilliance)➔Vladimir (Yes), Matt (Yes), Brent (Yes), David (No).

6. Prefer Older Men➔Vladimir (Yes), Brent (Yes), Matt (No), David (No).

**7. Maturity– Balanced not a fanatical extremist ➔ Vladimir (No–he has extreme phobias about being implicated in conspiracies), Brent (Yes), Matt (probably), David (No).

8. Greatness– concerned for justice and human rights with the courage to follow through ➔ Vladimir (Yes), Brent (Yes), Matt (Yes), David (No)

9. Sense of humor, in the sense that the man can laugh at himself and doesn’t have an oversized ego➔Vladimir (Yes), Brent (Yes), Matt (Yes), David (No)

**10.  He must love me with a genuine concern for my health and welfare, and a desire to love me with tenderness, depth and sensitivity.  I can tell if a man loves me➔Vladimir (probably), Brent (Yes), Matt (probably), David (No).

11.  He must accept me the way I am and not try to reform me into his perfect woman.➔Vladimir (Yes), Brent (Yes), Matt (probably), David (No)

12.  Emotionally honest, with the courage to reveal his heart to me, to be transparent, and with a commitment to intimacy, emotional sensitivity, and loving one partner above all others.  This does not mean possessiveness, but an absolute trust in me — to the point that he’d bare his soul to me like he would no other, which would result in a commitment to emotional closeness.  I must feel one with him as if he was a natural extension of my body, like my arm or leg.  An extreme trust — my best and most committed friend.➔Vladimir (Yes), Brent (Yes), Matt (probably), David (No).

13.  Not jealous.  We must give each other the freedom to have friendships with the opposite sex, but in terms of emotional closeness — he should feel closer to me than any other woman.  A strong emotional intimacy and transparency between us would tend to lessen jealousy, because we would be so close we would not feel threatened by the encroachment of others.  Also, because both the man and I would be generous, we would want our partner to have the freedom to enjoy others besides ourselves.➔Vladimir (Yes), Brent (Yes), Matt (Yes), David (No).

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