Baphomet Asks: Do YOU Belong on the Asexual Spectrum?
UPDATE on Aug. 2, 2022: We need to quit worrying about these SJW labels, and just be our unique, complex selves, regardless of labels. https://www.gabriellechana.blog/2022/08/02/baphomet-the-sjw-demon-we-need-to-drop-the-labels/
UPDATE on July 31, 2022 where I include a Skype I had with Brent about how I really felt about Jesus moving into my apartment in 2022.
Explore the spectrum: guide to finding your ace community
MORGAN PASQUIER, GLAAD CAMPUS AMBASSADOR
OCTOBER 27, 2018
Asexuality and aromanticism both occupy the A in the LGBTQIAP+ acronym, alongside agender. These terms, however, are only a few of what are known as “a-spec” (asexual spectrum) identities. The identities that fall under the umbrellas of asexual, aromantic, and agender are many and varied, and almost as diverse as the greater LGBTQ+ community itself. Here, I’ll go into some of the lesser-known identities that fall under the categories of asexual and aromantic.
Note that this is by no means an exhaustive list; there are dozens of other identities that fall under the a-spectrum. While this may seem excessive to some, for many people having these identities is extremely important. It allows them to cast light on experiences that would otherwise be ignored or scorned, and helps them to find communities that they identify with. If someone finds a microlabel that fits the experience they haven’t been able to qualify or quantify, it can alleviate feelings of brokenness or unbelonging.
Before we dive into definitions and descriptions we need to talk a little bit about the Split Attraction Model. The Split Attraction Model (or SAM) was first coined by asexuals and aromantics in order to better describe and explain their identities to both themselves and others. What the SAM does is splits sexual and romantic attraction into two separate things. This means that for every sexual orientation, there is a romantic orientation counterpart.
This means someone who is aromantic may still identify as pansexual, heterosexual, homosexual, demisexual, or any other sexual orientation, without giving up their aromantic identity. For asexuals, this means that they can identify as panromantic, heteroromantic, homoromantic, demiromantic, or any other romantic orientation and not forfeit their asexual identity. This helps asexuals who don’t identify as aromantic, and aromantics who don’t identify as asexual to qualify their experiences. While the SAM was initially created by a-spec people, it can easily be used by people who are not asexual or aromantic. A person can be pansexual and homoromantic, for instance, which means they are sexually attracted to people regardless of gender, but only romantically attracted to people of their same gender.
Now, let’s take a look at some a-spec identities and unpack what they mean.
Asexuality is probably the most well-known of the a-spec identities. Many people who identify with one of the subcategories of asexuality will use asexual when talking about their identity in public because it’s the easiest to explain. A simple definition that I use is: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction towards anyone. It’s important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always the same: some asexuals may be repulsed by the idea of sexual contact and won’t engage in it, but others may be sex-neutral or sex-positive and will have sex. Some asexuals have a libido or will masturbate but won’t be open to sex with someone else, while others may not have a libido but will have sex with a partner because of the sense of connection that comes from it. Everyone experiences their asexuality differently, so it’s important not to make assumptions about an asexual person or their experiences.
Aromanticism is what could be described as the romantic-orientation counterpart to asexuality. Similar to asexuality, someone who identifies with a subcategory of aromanticism may simply call themselves aromantic because it’s simpler and easier to explain. The definition of aromanticism is, simply: Someone who does not experience romantic attraction to anyone. Like with asexuality, an aromantic person may still choose to engage in a romantic relationship, or not. Many aromantic people will enter into what are called “queer platonic partnerships” or QPPs. These partnerships are, as the name implies, platonic in nature. One might have the instinct to compare this idea to having a best friend, but that isn’t accurate. A QPP will have the same level of commitment as a romantic relationship. They may live together, have children, or even get married. Major life decisions are made jointly. The only real difference is that the relationship is platonic, rather than romantic.
Grey-asexuality and greyromanticism describes anyone who falls in some area between being asexual and sexual, or aromantic and romantic. This identity is especially idiosyncratic, as the experiences of grey-asexual/greyromantics can vary wildly. People who identify with either of these labels can include (but are in no way limited to), people who do not normally experience attraction but do sometimes, people who experience attraction but have a low sex drive, and people who can enjoy and desire sex or romantic relationships but under very limited and specific circumstances. The identities to follow can all fit underneath the grey-asexual or greyromantic labels if the person identifying with it chooses to.
Demisexuality and demiromanticism are subsets of asexuality and aromanticism, respectively, as are the rest of the identities on this list. Demi is French for “half,” and was first coined to describe a person who does not experience attraction to an individual until a significant emotional bond has formed. This works off of the idea of primary attraction and secondary attraction. Primary attraction is attraction to people based on first impressions, such as appearance or how they smell. Secondary attraction is attraction to people that develops over time, and forms out of the relationship one has with a person, and their emotional connection. This can be applied to both romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Demisexuals or demiromantics do not experience primary attraction, but do experience secondary attraction.
Reciprosexuality and recipromanticism describes someone who does not experience sexual/romantic attraction to someone until they know that the person is attracted to them.
This identity has been through several name changes, and may also be called akoinesexual/akoineromantic or lithsexual/lithromantic. Akoisexuals/Akoiromantics may experience sexual/romantic attraction, but that attraction fades if it is reciprocated.
Someone who is aceflux or aroflux has a sexual/romantic orientation that fluctuates along the spectrum between asexual and sexual, and aromantic and romantic. Some people who are aceflux or aroflux will always stay within the asexual or aromantic spectrum, while others may occasionally fall outside of it.
For more information on asexual and aromantic identities, check out the Asexual Visibility and Education Network and the Aromantics Wiki.
Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.
Asexual – A term used to describe someone who does not experience sexual attraction (as defined above) toward individuals of any gender. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, and is different from celibacy, in that celibacy is the choice to refrain from engaging in sexual behaviors and does not comment on one’s sexual attractions. An asexual individual may choose to engage in sexual behaviors for various reasons even while not experiencing sexual attraction. Asexuality is an identity and sexual orientation; it is not a medical condition. Sexual attraction is not necessary for a person to be healthy.
Gray-A, gray-asexual, gray-sexual are terms used to describe individuals who feel as though their sexuality falls somewhere on the spectrum of sexuality between asexuality and sexuality.
Demisexual individuals are those who do not experience primary sexual attraction but may experience secondary sexual attraction after a close emotional connection has already formed.
Romantic Orientation – Describes an individual’s pattern of romantic attraction based on a person’s gender(s) regardless of one’s sexual orientation. For individuals who experience sexual attraction, their sexual orientation and romantic orientation are often in alignment (i.e. they experience sexual attraction toward individuals of the same gender(s) as the individuals they are interested in forming romantic relationships with).
Examples of Romantic Orientations (not an exhaustive list):
Aromantic: individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender(s)
Biromantic: romantic attraction toward males and females
Heteroromantic: romantic attraction toward person(s) of a different gender
Homoromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender
Panromantic: romantic attraction towards persons of every gender(s)
Polyromantic: romantic attraction toward multiple, but not all genders
Gray-romantic: individuals who do not often experience romantic attraction
Demiromantic: an individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed. People who refer to themselves as demiromantic may choose to further specify the gender(s) of those they are attracted to (e.g. demi-homoromantic).
In understanding identities and attractions, it is important to remember that orientation and attraction do not necessarily define or predict behavior. This is another important reason why it is important to ask people how they identify, as you cannot assume you know someone’s identity based on their behavior. This also means that you cannot assume what types of relationships or behaviors a person will engage in simply by knowing how they identify.
Sexual identities and romantic orientations are not linked and therefore a person could be asexual, aromantic, neither, or both asexual and aromantic.
Many aromantic individuals may still desire relationships and experiences various types of attractions to others.
One of these types of relationships is referred to as queerplatonic relationships (QPRs). Queerplatonic Relationships (QPRs) are those relationships that are not romantic in nature but they involve very close emotional connections that are often deeper or more intense than what is traditionally considered a friendship. Since there is not adequate language to describe queerplatonic partners, some people refer to these partners as zucchini.
Squish is a term used to identify aromantic crushes; the desire for a non-romantic/platonic relationship with another person.
Quick Test: Do You Belong to the Asexual Spectrum?
After defining what is an asexual and what is the asexual spectrum (see above), we can start this quick test. It’s actually quite simple, and only you can do it. You have to go through your memories and decide when you experienced sexual attraction (as defined above) to anyone your entire life. Do NOT confuse sexual attraction with romantic, sensual, intellectual or any of the other attractions discussed above.
The reason I say this is a quick test is because for most of those on the asexual spectrum, they can count on one or two hands (or close to two hands, using all the fingers) those they have experienced sexual attraction towards their entire life!
Take myself, for example. Like I can view a celebrity and see they look hot, but it does nothing for me. I am never sexually attracted to a complete stranger I meet on the street regardless of how hot they look. Also, do not confuse sexual desire with sexual attraction. Those on the asexual spectrum can experience sexual desire. In most cases when this happens, it’s fleeting and a nuisance, but that depends on the person. The main point is, that someone on the asexual spectrum, does not experience sexual attraction easily, if at all. For me, as a full romantic, demisexual, polyamorous person, I require time with the person (in most cases) before sexual attraction develops. I would like to note that I am a full romantic, so I can get romantically attracted fast, but if I do not experience sexual attraction, that usually means the romantic attraction won’t last long, UNLESS I’m already friends with the person. My romantic attractions do not fall in the asexual spectrum, which may be part of the reason it took me awhile to figure out I belong on the asexual spectrum. I will only list the romantic attractions I had that lasted at least a year, since I am a full romantic.
Let’s go through my sexual/romantic history. . . I am numbering the sexual attractions to make my point that those on the asexual spectrum can literally count the sexual attractions they’ve had their entire life on one or two hands!
I would like to point out that my attractions were based on emotional/friendship connection and the guy’s physical appearance was pretty much a non-factor when it came to attraction with me. The guys I was attracted to had all sorts of physical appearances from homely to knock-out. The main factor in all the attractions was the quality of the emotional connection I had with the man.
BIG QUESTION: Why did I pose for Playboy in 2017 and 2018, if I’m a demisexual? Well, I may be a demisexual, but I’m not a prude. I can’t help my sexual orientation, just like a gay can’t help that they are gay. However, to be true to myself, I don’t plan to pose for Playboy anymore because it creates the wrong impression about me, making me appear strongly allosexual, causing me to attract friends who are not on my wavelength. I’m really not into “lust” relationships (more because it’s boring without the emotional connection to me), though I’m not against them (as long as you’re not a rapist or a sex addict). Pure lust is take it or leave it for me. Lust doesn’t excite me. To me, a deep emotional connection is exciting. BUT— if someone tries to force me into a pure lust relationship with them, I find that NAUSEATING. It makes me feel RAPED. And despite what some people think, I don’t enjoy rape.
Why would someone on the asexual spectrum enjoy rape? Duh!! That’s why I wanted Viggo Mortensen and the 25,000 men on the marriage list (which was never my idea) and who got furious at me for not wanting sex with them, EXECUTED.
I admire a hot body as a pretty picture and that’s about it for me. But I can respect that for others, lust is something they enjoy and that’s cool, just not my thing. I mainly posed for Playboy to honor Hugh Hefner, who wanted to will to me and Brent his Playboy mansion before Loree killed him over it. Hugh Hefner was a cool guy who got murdered for supporting me. The fact that I can find Zack Knight attractive (who is about as opposite asexual as you can get), when I’m on the asexual spectrum, just lets you know how accepting I am of all sexual types, even if they are total opposite of me. And I can even emotionally connect with extreme allosexuals on some levels (usually related to being transparent and emotionally courageous). But, I, myself am on the asexual spectrum and don’t get sexually attracted that easily.
First attraction for me was romantic, not sexual. It was a celebrity crush on David Cassidy, after I heard him sing “I Think I Love You” in 1971. Because no sexual attraction happened, I got over this one rather quickly. Being demisexual, I think I sort of emotionally connected with him through the song. I was 13. This was a junior high school celebrity romantic crush.
Next attraction was romantic in 1973, not sexual. My sophomore year of high school. It was a guy (Kenneth Dugger) who used to walk me to school in junior high, but the romantic attraction started when he sang the song “Honey” in my Concert Chorus exams and I heard him sing. I just really emotionally connected with him cuz of how he sang that song. It probably also helped that we were friends in junior high, too. But the attraction was purely romantic. I wasn’t dreaming about sex with him. I was 15 and this lasted about a year. Never told him I had a romantic crush on him.
Another attraction was romantic in 1981, not sexual. I will mention this one simply because the romantic attraction lasted about six months. His name was Daniel Marcus Gruver, a Southern Baptist missionary doctor’s son. I was impressed at the time he asked me out cuz he claimed to be pre-med and seemed to have the intelligence I needed in a partner. At the time he asked me out, I thought I would go back to nursing school and I guess he figured with me studying nursing, I’d be a good match for him. He was studying at Baylor University and drove his motorcycle out to my mother’s place in Cutler Ridge, Florida to date me. On one date he got really heated during kissing and started humping on me, and I backed off. After that, he broke off our relationship by not contacting me anymore and when I called him, he’d be busy. I was so devastated that cuz I turned him down for sex, he lost interest. I did develop a friendship bond with him, but never felt sexually attracted to him really. NOTE OF INTEREST: I did have a strong sex drive as a young lady, but had a hard time getting sexually attracted. However, cuz I had a strong sex drive, if sexual attraction happened, I could be tempted. But since I was a demi, sexual attraction rarely happened and that may be part of why I was a virgin when I married David Schuler in 1985.
It’s possible if Marcus didn’t blow it by trying to have sex with me, I might have learned to get those sexual feelings for him, but he totally lost my respect the way he handled me. It didn’t help that he admitted he impregnated his last girlfriend who was a nursing student.
So I ended up leaving that Southern Baptist church so I wouldn’t have to deal with him and went back to a stricter independent, fundamental Baptist church and David Schuler asked me out on a date and I turned him down on his first try, cuz he seemed really dorky and shallow to me. I should have trusted my first impression! But David didn’t give up and the second time David asked me out, I said “yes”. To weed out any potential sex predator, I laid down the rules, “No hand holding, no kissing, no physical touching at all on the date, only talking.” I expected him to never take me out again. Instead, he replied that he was so impressed and that I expressed his feelings exactly. That really impressed me, after what I had been through with Marcus and, unfortunately, I didn’t realize David was a gay pedophile. The point is, you can see my demisexuality even when I was in my twenties. It always took me a long time to bond with a guy and when we broke up it was always devastating, because it was so hard for me to get a bond. And then when a guy was sly enough (David Schuler) to create a false bond, it worked, even to the point that I was willing to marry a guy (David Schuler) I never even held hands with or kissed or hugged.
- My first sexual attraction was sexual, emotional (slightly romantic) in (1975 – 1977), my first year of college. I met Mitch Abrams in social sciences class and we studied together in the library. I was a Christian and he was Jewish. However, as friends, I became open and transparent with him and he started dating me. I remember feeling really guilty about dating a non-Christian, but I was real with this guy, and he was real with me and so we got a strong connection, which, for me, resulted in a very strong sexual attraction. But he didn’t want to be involved with a woman (myself) who had so many hang-ups, so he moved on.
- Next sexual and romantic attraction (1976 – 1978), happened about the same time that I was attracted to Mitch Abrams and it was Keith Morgan, a Christian guy, that I was friends first with before any attraction developed. I was on a double date with a guy I had no attraction to at all, and was impressed with how my friend Keith behaved with his date, especially when he said that I was more his type. I heard about this through the grapevine. Keith was a biology major at the time. As a result of my friendship with Keith, I got a connection that resulted in romantic/sexual attraction. I even proposed to this guy and he turned me down! Needless to say, I never let a guy know after this, when I found them attractive, unless I knew for sure the feelings were returned. I also concluded that if I didn’t want to lose a friendship with a guy who grew on me romantically/sexually (being the demisexual that I was) that I’d never let them know that happened, cuz if they grew on me romantically as a result of my friendship and I told them, they usually avoided me after that.
- Next sexual and romantic (no emotional) attraction (1981 – 1987) was the man I’d marry, who I did not know was a gay pedophile. A demisexual can develop an attraction based off of being tricked and lied to. David Schuler, being raised in the strict Christian environment, knew how to play the Christian game and he knew how to do a good talk and he fooled me. So I ended up marrying a guy that I never had any physical contact with at all! I was super impressed with him cuz of this, too, and that’s how the connection happened. I think I subconsciously felt I found another on the asexual spectrum and that was the connection! No kissing, no hand holding, no hugging and I married the guy. When he started getting abusive towards me, the sexual and romantic attraction gradually wore off and I mainly had sex with him to satisfy sexual desire without attraction.
- Next sexual, deeply emotional and romantic attraction was Brent Spiner (1991 to 1996, 1999 to now). I decided to write Brent because I experienced platonic and emotional attraction to him when I saw him in “Pen Pals” Star Trek: The Next Generation. Being a devout Christian, I had no emotional connection with my husband in 1990, so I just wanted to satisfy my emotional attraction to Brent then. I was basically looking for platonic intimacy, so a pen pal relationship was perfect for me. BUT, when Brent made a music album for me (Ol’ Yellow Eyes Is Back) and my friend Melody Rondeau bought it for me and mailed it to me, and I realized that my mystery caller who was making love to me on the phone was Brent, I developed an intense romantic/sexual attraction to Brent after this. So the sexual attraction started in June 1991, even though the emotional attraction started around August 1990.
- Next sexual and romantic attraction was Franco Nero (1996 to 1999). When I learned about Loree McBride, I lost all romantic and sexual attraction to Brent Spiner. In 1996, Brent had a wiretap on my phone and so while I cried my eyes out to him about Loree McBride, I started watching Franco Nero in Camelot singing “If Ever I Would Leave You” and I told Brent that Franco had the manliness that Brent lacked and he was more my type and that I no longer dreamed about making love to Brent anymore. Brent put Franco on my phone and because I let him know what happened between me and Brent with Loree, and Franco was my sounding board, he was the next guy I developed a strong connection with. This attraction lasted until I forgave Brent for Loree in Dec. 1999, when I learned she was a Vatican agent. Then I reinstated Brent and Franco moved on to one of his old loves, Vanessa Redgrave. I think that I may have inspired him, since I moved onto an old love!
- Next sexual and romantic attraction was Vladimir Putin (2001 – 2006). The connection happened fast on this one, because I was in an emotional crisis, realizing that Brent was stopped from marrying me, because of Sept. 11, 2001. Brent was about to board a jet to be with me in Florida, after my divorce and the Jesuits did 9-11-01 that day! I was so mad at them! I watched the beginning scene from the Gladiator movie over and over as my response to 9-11-01! I told Pres. Bush through the bugs on my phone to tell Vladimir Putin and all important world leaders to protect themselves, that they’d probably be targeted for supporting Bush in 9-11-01. Well, Vladimir put a really hot facial photo of himself looking manly and daring in my local newspaper and I could tell we were on the same wavelength about 9-11-01 (I also knew he was flirting with me) and I developed an immediate bond and sexual and romantic attraction to him. As a result of giving up hope that Brent and I could marry because of 9-11-01, I let Vladimir take Brent’s place from 2001 to 2006. I still had feelings for Brent, but added Vladimir in. So, this is where my polyamory really started showing. What Brent didn’t know at the time, was if Brent ever found the courage and ability to marry me, it’s possible I would have married Brent even while I had Vladimir. I probably would have set up some sort of poly-amorous relationship with both of them. In Feb. 2006 I decided to reinstate Brent Spiner as my main brain to brain lover, because Vladimir still had not married me yet and I decided Brent at least had the courage to talk to me on the phone.
- Next sexual and romantic attraction (2005 about one month) was Matthew McConaughey. I gave Vladimir permission to publish my novel Silver Skies into a Steven Spielberg movie. Vladimir experienced a heart attack in Nov. 2005 and suggested that in his place Matthew McConaughey, who I’d noticed from a People magazine cover as sexiest man alive, take his place as a brain to brain lover for a month. Though I was romantically attracted to Matthew from the magazine cover, I didn’t experience sexual attraction until Matthew and I emotionally bonded through the brain to brain loving. But when Vladimir was able to return as my lover in Dec. 2005, I pretty much lost interest in Matthew, since I had a stronger emotional bond with Vladimir.
- Next sexual and emotional (slightly romantic) attraction (2008 I think, for about two months) was Gerard Butler. Again, this was a case where I developed an emotional attraction to Gerard by watching him in Phantom of the Opera. I could relate to being an outcast and not accepted for who you are as a lover and longing for someone you couldn’t have. But the emotional attraction happened, because his character was so courageously transparent, which can be a real turn on to a demisexual. But the sexual attraction didn’t happen until I started brain to brain loving with Gerard. He turned out to be super smart, so I found his brains attractive, though I also found his high emotional IQ attractive, being the psychiatrist that he is. This lasted for about 2 months, then I went back to Brent. At this time, Gerard also suggested I make love to Matthew to help him heal from Camila Alves. I basically made love to Matthew at this time to nurture him and wasn’t experiencing a lot of sexual attraction to him. Asexuals or those in the asexual spectrum will do that, sometimes.
- Next sexual and romantic attraction (2009, I think, for about a month) was Hugh Jackman. I saw him in a romantic comedy Kate & Leopold playing this 19th century guy and I developed a romantic attraction to the chivalrous, manly character. Because I’m courageous, I can develop an emotional connection with another courageous person, especially if they are courageous about the same things I care about. This was a mutual courageous admiration society between me and Hugh. I went back to Brent though, because my emotional connection with Brent is really deep and multifaceted. The sexual attraction didn’t happen until Hugh and I had sex in the brain to brain though. We discovered we cared about many of the same things and were very courageous about it.
- Next sexual, emotional and romantic attraction was Zack Knight (2012, 2016 forward). This one’s interesting. . . because the first one happened when Zack faked as Jesus in 2012. I developed an emotional (not sexual) attraction to the real Jesus when he showed up to rescue us all from Satan in 2012 and Zack (Antichrist at the time) took advantage of this to seduce me faking as Jesus. I do recall that Zack was wearing me out sexually though and I began to feel I needed a break. His fake was good enough to give me a romantic and sexual attraction to what I thought was Jesus. Jesus had to show up and let us know what happened. We demisexuals, even when we are sexually attracted, can experience the attraction in waves and get in moods where we want a break from sex, even from someone we are romantically attracted to, cuz we’re kind of asexual in a way. When Zack came to Jesus in 2016, I respected his courage to save his true love Rule 13 and to buck Satan. His emotional courage in baring his heart to me as an ex-Antichrist forged an emotional connection between us, that gave me a sexual/romantic attraction to Zack from 2016 forward. It’s not as strong as the emotional/romantic attraction I have for Brent and comes and goes depending on how strong my emotional connection is with Zack. Zack is a bit too strong of an allosexual for me and, for this reason, our emotional connection comes and goes. But his emotional courage is very compelling for me.
- Next sexual and deeply emotional (slightly romantic) attraction is Jesus Christ (2022 forward). Now this one’s really interesting. . .People think I dreamed about making love to Jesus all the time. I’ve actually found Jesus rather intimidating and for this reason could not develop an emotional connection to him that resulted in sexual or romantic attraction. I have had an emotional (not sexual) attraction to him as himself at times from 2012 to 2022. I have to admit that he admitting he would give Brent and I his semen to me during the future millennial reign in 2012 was emotionally attractive because his emotional courage to admit he would like to make love to me, I thought was rather emotionally connecting and vulnerable for a deity of his stature. I tend to emotionally connect with emotionally courageous beings who get vulnerable with me. When he admitted that I was the one who helped him get through the cross the most in Jan. 2021, my emotional (not sexual) attraction became more solidified, but this still was not enough for me to feel sexually or romantically attracted to him. Basically, the thought of making love to a deity is rather intimidating to me. But when he moved into my apartment and had sex with me, during one of the sexual sessions, he opened up his heart to me as a deity and shared his dreams for the universe and I really connected with him at this time.
What happened during this transaction is that I felt mostly platonic/emotional attraction and was going along with the sex to meet his needs (as I saw it). But because the platonic attraction was so strong, the sexual attraction happened during the sex when he gave me a panorama vista of his heart. Yet, at the same time Jesus was wearing me out sexually and I was trying to get us going in a more platonic direction, which is what happened the week before Satan almost killed Jesus permanently. Now, what really made Jesus attractive to me is when he apologized for using me as a sex dummy in May 2022. His emotional courage blew me away and from that point onward, I had full sexual and emotional attraction to him once I fully, unconditionally forgave him for taking Brent’s root chakra. With Jesus, the romantic attraction has never been that strong. He’s not my idea of a dreamboat lover. I thought his sex parties were okay, but I couldn’t get into them (being the demisexual that I am and even thought they were rather silly). Now, that I understand that his silly sexual behavior was because he was a frustrated asexual/aromantic, I desire to go forward with Jesus in a platonic/emotionally intimate relationship. In spite of my sexual attraction towards him from May 2022 forward, I don’t need sex to be happy in my platonic relationship with Jesus since I’m a bit of an asexual myself (being a demisexual) and want Jesus to operate authentically in all aspects of his life.
So there you have it! A total of ELEVEN people or beings I’ve experienced sexual attraction to my ENTIRE LIFE. I was born in 1957. So, if you can look back over your life and count using fingers on one or two hands who you’ve had sexual attraction to your entire life, you probably belong on the asexual spectrum. And when I say sexual attraction, I mean all kinds of sexual attraction, even the five minute kind from lusting after a hot celebrity on the television set. That just doesn’t happen to me AT ALL. Also, I would like to point out that the only one I consistently have sexual attraction to is my husband Brent Spiner, the rest it really comes and goes and can be absent for years at a time, even though I am poly-amorous. It’s cuz I’m also demisexual!
Skype with Brent Spiner on July 30, 2022 (reveals my demisexuality in my approach to Jesus and Brent):
When Jesus moved in, I wasn’t crazy about the idea of him moving in. But I went along with it, cuz He seemed to think it was a great idea and he didn’t even ask me if I liked the idea! I think the least He could have done is asked my permission before He decided to move in!
From now on, I plan to speak up when you all suggest stuff I’m not comfortable with.
If I spoke up when Jesus moved in and let Him know my true wishes, I may have spared him from being beaten up by Satan.
One thing I’ve learned as a result of learning I’m demisexual is that I need to speak up more when you all suggest things I’m not comfortable with. Like the marriage list was NEVER my idea and at times I was uncomfortable with it, especially when you all put 25,000 people on it! I love you all and I know you have my best interests at heart, but I need to be true to myself and allow myself to spend time doing what truly interests me. To be my own person and to honor who I really am.
Why should Jesus have moved in just cuz Jesus thought I was supposed to be thrilled with the idea? I mean am I allowed to have my own wishes in matters that affect how I live and how I use my time? Especially, if what is suggested seems to me not a good idea?
It’s like why should I have let Jesus move into my apartment just cuz He thought that’s what I was supposed to want? I actually could have cared less about Him moving in back in Jan. 2022. I was always perfectly content with a platonic relationship with Him.
I was even uncomfortable about all the sex I had with him, but didn’t say anything because I wouldn’t allow my own wishes to be known. I mean I was supposed to consider it a great honor that Jesus wanted sex with me, but deep down it’s not what I really wanted.
I figured who was I to counter the almighty Jesus? I needed a vacation from sex with Jesus cuz I’m a demisexual and didn’t need sex with Jesus. I didn’t want sex with Jesus, deep down underneath. Honestly, that’s how I really felt.
I have a bad habit of giving into you all, even when it’s not what I really want to do. Like ninety percent of the time I had sex with the men on my marriage list, it wasn’t what I really wanted to do. You can kind of figure that out by the post I made at my website. I just did the sex cuz it was “expected”. I have only been sexually attracted to eleven men my entire life and of those eleven the attraction was usually in waves and I got in moods where I didn’t care about sex with them at all, but just did it as a “friendship” gesture.
The only man I really have had a serious sexual interest in was Brent Spiner. The rest it really comes and goes. I have had a serious emotional intimacy thing with Jesus though. The only sex with Jesus I truly enjoyed was one where he got real with me and I relished the emotional connection more than the sex! For the rest of the “sessions” I faked orgasms and such to keep him happy. I’ve done this more than I care to admit. Basically, it’s really hard for me to get a connection that really turns me on with most guys and nobody is as good at emotional connection with me as Brent.
I felt like I owed it to the men and to Jesus to give them sex.
I belong on the asexual spectrum.
I don’t hate sex, but sometimes I am really lackadaisical about it, and much prefer the platonic aspects of my relationship over getting physical.
I used to feel guilty about my true wishes, but no longer. I think when we violate who we are, we set in motion some bad forces in the universe.
I will say this much though, Jesus is really good at emotional connection. I used to think it was the sex with Jesus I relished and looking back, I can tell it was the emotional connection. It’s just that he combined emotional connection with the sex and I realize now it was the connection I was enjoying more than the sex.
If Jesus had just given me pure emotional connection without any sex, that would have been perfect for me. The sex was actually wearing me out!
You are a pretty hot lover, Brent. I enjoy the light humps and the affection. And I also appreciate how you give me space when I’m more into the mood for cuddling.
Brent Spiner (monogamous and allosexual): I enjoy giving you the light humps, and cuddle time.