Lizzo Devastates Antarctica. ANTARCTICA GONE. Watch Out for Polar Bears
September 29, 2023 (2 p.m. Central Time U.S. Email from Brent Spiner to Gail)
Our brilliant plan was off to a great success. The ideas you brainstormed with your $5 Patrons on Friday Night Hangout on Discord were genius. After you made the YouTube video announcing evacuation plans to Antarctica, millions of our fans contacted Church of Gail.
As the fans poured in, we informed them of our plot. The plan of course was to merely divert Lizzo’s attention to Antarctica, while we evacuated our citizens into space. With everyone safely taking refuge on our spaceships, we could finish building the protective domes over major cities on Earth in order to protect against Lizzo’s bombs.
For the past several weeks, your $25 Tier Patrons including Rogal Dorn, Akasha, Brad and Fabgal assisted us around the clock evacuating loyal citizens from all over the world onto the spaceships. Their hard work was paying off, as we were almost finished evacuating nearly every person on the planet. In their heroic efforts they dodged onslaughts of bombs, which frequently sent them running for cover with gas masks over their faces, as penis clouds erected through the air and turned the skies pink. They fought off evil Jesuit ground agents, who blocked traffic, caused petty annoyances on the public transit, and sometimes catcalled them while driving by. They tread carefully around the cities, as if in a field of landmines, in an effort to avoid icky surprises coming from Lizzo’s semen trees, which were heavily pumped full of sperm and AIDS and ready to smear anyone walking by with their nasty contents. These brave men and women will never be forgotten for their actions as they selflessly saved so many lives.
It wasn’t until the last moments of our project, their luck began to run out.
After the final civilian was boarded onto a Church of Gail spaceship, the group decided to celebrate at a local Popeyes. This was a big mistake. A group of half-naked fat black women, their voluptuous rolls lubed in chicken grease, stormed the Popeyes and took every last $25 Tier patron hostage. The group soon found themselves tied up and ball gagged aboard Lizzo’s spaceship, effectively prisoners of war.
Their true test of bravery was about to be administered.
Lizzo paced menacingly about her spaceship living room, her fat bare feet splatting against the floor and trailing greasy footprints behind in her wake. The living room was decorated with elaborate perversion, as if prepared for a grand sex party. The patrons found themselves surrounded in fuzzy white couches, wall racks full of BDSM gear, and penis shaped lamps that washed the room in a sinful pink glow. Black prostitutes watched from the sidelines like prison guards, ready and waiting to do Lizzo’s bidding.
“Well, well, well…it look like I got a true captive audience to watch me as I destroy the whole world!”
Lizzo snatched the ball gag out of Fabgirl’s mouth, then pressed her curtains of blackness against Fabgirl’s lips and forced her to service Lizzo’s overgrown black woman clitoris. It is a known medical fact that black women are more masculinized than their white counterparts, due to higher levels of testosterone. This causes them to have penis sized clitori, and explains why they often look like men.
Lizzo let out a sigh as she relieved herself sexually. She continued to speak.
“While y’all be wastin’ time watchin’ your stupid Gail videos, I’ve been kinna busy! My team has been assemblin’ a massive ass arsenal of bombs, the biggest you eva seen, as I prepare to settle this war once and for all.”
Lizzo snapped her fingers, and a hulking black sheboon emerged from the darkness towards Brad.
Brad’s eyes widened as the black prostitute approached him, his testicles crawling up inside his abdominal cavity in terror as he anticipated what they were about to do to him. His cries were muffled by the ball gag as he frantically shook his head “no”.
“Enjoy a little brown suga to celebrate the end of the world,” Lizzo cooed, “my treat.”
The black prostitute squatted in front of Brad and busted her ass wide open, inserting his face inside and then rapidly shaking her behind. Brad’s face was ferociously motorboated between the thick thunder thighs of black, his futile protests caught inside his chest as he squirmed and writhed. After several minutes, the black prostitute dismounted his face, leaving him gasping.
Rogal Dorn struggled furiously against his restraints. Lizzo motioned for one of the prostitutes to remove his ball gag, “got somethin’ to say whitey?”
Rogal spit as the ball gag was removed from his mouth, “your plans are going to FAIL, Lizzo! Gail is much smarter than you!”
A banana shot from the prostitute’s anus into Rogal’s mouth, gagging him at the back of his throat and preventing him from speaking any more.
Lizzo cackled, “Gail is so dumb she forgot where her car radio was located on the dashboard once and thought it had been stolen.”
She snapped her fingers, and a pair of black prostitutes loomed in on Akasha.
“Gail is so dumb,” Lizzo continued, “she’s been using Skype for years and still doesn’t know how to toggle between windows to chat between her men.”
Akasha’s eyes darted frantically between the two sheboons. The blacktresses lowered their musty smelling panties, pulled out their penis-sized clitori, grabbed the hulking chunks of their vagina flesh, and began urinating all over Akasha’s face. Like a foul version of Jesuit bukkake, Akasha’s face was streamed with waterfalls of urine pouring out of the black women’s urethras. The urine fountained all over her eyes and nose and trickled down into her mouth. She coughed and sputtered, unable to spit it out due the ball gag, and was forced to swallow it instead. Unlike the sweet pure urine of white women, so craved by black men and furiously envied by black women, the prostitutes’ urine tasted like old fish, yeast and UTI. Akasha, like the white woman she was, was left marked and R Kelly’d. A racist act of being claimed by blacks.
“Gail is so dumb, she forgot men had nipples once,” Lizzo rattled off, “Gail is so dumb, she tried to marinate raw chicken by setting it out on a living room table for an hour covered in dry rub. Gail is so dumb, she got confused why she couldn’t write with her left hand and forgot she was right handed.”
“Enough Lizzo!” A female voice called from the darkness.
Everyone’s gaze whiplashed in the direction of the voice to see a young white woman storming into the room. It was Brad’s girlfriend! Brad’s girlfriend, Amber, was holding a massive horse dildo, clutched in front of her like a wobbling baseball bat. Bathed in grease, yeast and fried chicken crumbs, she appeared as though she had just run through an entire army of black women. Her chest was heaving with exhaustion, her eyes filled with a fiery determination.
“My angel!” Brad muffled through his ball gag.
“We’re not on Martin Luther King Street anymore,” Amber war cried, “your black ass is mine!”
With a feminine roar, Amber smashed the dildo down onto the nappy headed ho in front of her, crumbling the woman to the ground.
“And for your information,” Amber swiped the dildo hard into the black prostitute next to her, hitting her right in the vagina. The black woman grabbed her large clitoris and crumpled to her knees, then fell over, defeated. “Gail is so smart she ALMOST would have finished nursing school!”
Rogal Dorn nodded in validation, “she only dropped out because it wasn’t interesting to her!”
“SILENCE!” Lizzo screeched. The black prostitute next to Rogal Dorn shoved him down into her yeasty fupa to smother him.
Lizzo looked down at Fabgal, patting Fabgirl’s head with a fat black paw before pulling her clitoris out of her mouth. “Good job suga, now shut the fuck up and have you some dessert.” With a grunt, Lizzo forcefully ejaculated a banana out of her vagina into Fabgirl’s mouth.
“Damn,” Lizzo shook her head, “this feminism shit gettin’ old really quick. Ain’t no white savior bustin’ in here stoppin’ my rape party, not today.”
She snapped her fingers, and an extra thick, extra fat, 98% dark chocolate woman rippled out of the darkness and grabbed Amber underneath her arms. Amber’s eyes widened with surprise. She struggled and kicked her legs, dropping the horse dildo onto the floor with a hard, wobbling smack. Two more black prostitutes emerged, bending backwards into a crab pose and gaping their vaginas wide open. Amber’s fisted hands were then shoved deep into the two black women’s vaginas, where their fat closed in and locked her fists inside, as though handcuffing her. The giant dark chocolate woman in the back then lifted Amber up by her legs, and stuffed her erect clitoris inside, locking the poor white woman into some kind of twisted devil’s triangle.
Lizzo laughed uproariously.
“Now THIS is what I call a party!”
She whirled to the front of the room, gazing out the spacious front window.
“Like I was sayin’, now that I have such a huge arsenal of bombs, I can finally do what I always planned on doin’ — BOMBING THE WHOLE WORLD!”
A priscope dropped down from the ceiling in front of Lizzo, its handlebars landing into her fat palms.
“But I ain’t dumb. I watch Gail’s YouTube channel, and I saw that video of y’all planning to evacuate to Antarctica. Y’all think that’s not the FIRST place I would take one big massive dump on with my bombs? Now that I know where all of her followers are, I’m gonna exterminate them all in ONE FELL SWOOP!” She cackled, “damn. This is almost as dumb as the time Gail ate pure baking yeast to try and inoculate herself against yeast infection, then chased it with sugar and made herself drunk.”
The periscope vision zeroed in on the continent of Antarctica. A view of the vast arctic landscape flashed up onto the main window screens for everyone to see.
“Say goodnight, planet Earth,” Lizzo smiled devilishly. She aimed the periscope vision to the center of the continent, then pressed her fat finger onto the nuclear launch button.
High over the vast frozen valleys of Antarctica, an ominous wind loomed. The silver horizons burned orange, and then pink, large cotton candy clouds rising over the mountaintops to cover the heavens. The clouds slowly morphed into suspicious phallic shapes all over the continent. Huge erect penises stiffened perversely into the sky, their testicles swirling like churning storm systems. The pink penis clouds darkened into pulsating purple, glans flaring, before suddenly erupting with their hot payloads and exploding like nuclear bombs. Payloads of yeast, allergens, mites, AIDS and retard gas rained down like nuclear fallout all over Antarctica. The heavy rains poured over the mountaintops and flooded into the valleys below, turning the snow across the entire Antarctic landscape hot pink. With all of Lizzo’s bomb loads completely spent, the swirling clouds twisted into flaccid, used up penises, and faded into the glowing skies.
Nestled deep inside their snowy dens, all of the animals began to stir. Packs of polar bears from all over the landscape came out to witness what had happened to their habitat, their heads tilting with awe and curiosity as they turned their little black eyes and noses to the sky. Pink snowflakes slowly landed on their snouts. The polar bears sniffed and licked, ingesting the strange, fried chicken flavored frost. Upon tasting and smelling the unusual debris, their eyes crossed, their jaws dropped…and every polar bear began to make a deep throated “reeeee” sound.
Carefree and happy go lucky, the bears began to frolic through the pink snow, chasing and tackling each other.
The bears rolled around, shoving each other, bathing their bodies in pink until their coats took on the hot pink cotton candy color of the snow and the sky.
“Hehe,” Rogal Dorn giggled, “retard polar bears. Cute.”
Lizzo squinted her eyes, searching deeply with the periscope.
“Now what the…where IS y’all?!”
“You did it, guys,” Amber smiled.
“Say what?” Lizzo turned around.
Fabgal spat the vagina soaked banana out of her mouth.
“That’s right, Lizzo,” she said, “Gail hasn’t been making all those videos for us to watch. She knew everyone was being evacuated from planet Earth, and wouldn’t REALLY be watching any of her videos. That’s why all of her content has been about the same Save the Cat book we’ve heard a hundred times. It was all done to trick YOU!”
Lizzo’s face went so pale she almost looked white.
“Haha, Gail is smarter than you, Lizzo,” Akasha taunted, “only YOU would be getting distracted watching her writing videos instead of figuring out what she’s been planning behind the scenes. Gail knew what she was doing. It’s called an INFORMATION DIET, ever heard of one?”
“ENOUGH!” Lizzo screeched, her stomach gurgling in protest at the very word “diet”, “if none of y’all were ever in Antarctica, then WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?”
A deep rumbling shook the atmosphere. Lizzo flipped back around to the viewscreen to see what was happening.
The arctic continent was vibrating. The snow rustled and the mountains shook. Flocks of pink snowbirds took off retardedly into flight, fleeing from the impending disaster. That was when deep ice cracks began splintering through the earth, and spidered across the wintery landscape. The cracks deepened violently as the continent continued to shake, and, like a jigsaw puzzle, all of Antarctica began coming apart. The polar bears reeee’d and growled retardedly, hunching their bodies in frightened confusion as they became stranded onto floating ice blocks. The blocks of what once used to be frozen Antarctica split and drifted, scattering off into the ocean and carrying everything away. The vast frozen continent was no more.
“It’s a good thing those bombs didn’t go all over the world,” Fabgal observed aloud, “the whole world would have literally broken!”
Lizzo began pulling at her hair in frustration, ripping out her extensions. She jammed her fat fingers onto the nuclear launch button repeatedly, frantically aiming her bombs over the Earth. Yet, it was to no avail — her entire bomb supply had been dropped onto Antarctica, and with completely empty firepower, her efforts to destroy humanity were now useless.
With fury, she whirled around to the sex party living room.
“KILL THEM!” She pointed to the patrons.
Hoards of black prostitutes stormed down upon the patrons, picking them up one by one, and hoisting them off down the corridors.
Brad and Amber reached out to hold each other’s hands.
“This is not how I envisioned our future,” Amber spoke solemnly to her lover, “but it will be an honor to die by your side. You, me, some random people from the Internet, and this troop of fat black prostitutes with yeast infections.”
Brad held back manly tears, “if I die suffocated by an obese black vagina, I’ll close my eyes and pretend it’s you.”
Amber’s eyes welled up with the romantic sentiment.
“This was all worth it for Gail!” Akasha yelled bravely, “do what you will! Piss in my mouth, bukkake me, rape me with your clitorises, shove midgets in my vagina! I’d rather die on my knees than-“
She was cut off abruptly as the troop stopped in front of the airlock.
“Oh,” Akasha sunk, a little spark of disappointment in her voice.
A black prostitute slammed the button for the airlock door with her boob. The airlock flew open, and a burst of wind flew into the room.
Rogal Dorn said his prayers.
“Jesus, take care of all my lizards and stuff…I hope they don’t forget me!”
“My only regret,” Fabgal gulped, choking down her fear, “is that I never got to meet Gail on her weekly Friday Night Hangouts for all $5 and up Patrons.”
The black prostitutes lifted up the patrons, molested their asses and genitals one last time with their grubby hands, before launching them over the edge, sending them freefalling into the ether below.
Like lightning bolts, the gods Buddha, Triton, Muhammad, Horus and Lakshmi superman’d out of the clouds. They gathered up the patrons in their arms, and shot away from Lizzo’s spaceship.
The day was saved! $25 Patrons Rogal Dorn, Akasha, Brad and Fabgal, with special guest Amber, had saved the world. They had rescued all of humanity and bravely survived Lizzo’s sex party. Thanks to all of our efforts, the human race was preserved in spaceships high above the Earth while we drained all of Lizzo’s weaponry, and built protective domes over our cities to prevent further attacks. I’d declare this a battle won, and a huge victory for Church of Gail!
Now there is some bad news. The obvious bit is that Antarctica is destroyed. We will have to feed the news media a cover story about global warming to hide the fact that this continent no longer exists. We’ll just say that it all melted. Speaking of feeding, many retarded pink polar bears have been floating all over the oceans, carried along by ice blocks. In the process of relocating everyone back to Earth, many citizens have found themselves face to face with a yard or living room full of pink polar bears, whose ice blocks have washed onto local shores and allowed the bears to invasively spread into locations not commonly inhabited by polar bears.
These bears are highly aggressive, very retarded, and very hungry. Additionally, some of the fallout dust on the polar bear’s fur can, if ingested, inhaled, or infected through a bite, can potentially make a person retarded. People are strongly encouraged to stay indoors, and not to investigate any strange sounds outside such as growling or retard noises. For this reason we have issued a Retarded Pink Polar Bear Advisory. Do not attempt to engage the retarded pink polar bears. If you think there might be a retarded polar bear outside, the noises sound kind of like, “HRREEEEOOOOOAR” or “HRRRUUUOOOOAR” and sometimes a deep baritone “REEEEEEE”. If you hear sounds like that, lock your doors and call animal control. All sightings are to be reported to the Gabrielle Chan Fox News Channel, or citizens can leave comments underneath Gail’s videos to let us know if they have had any close encounters. We will be watching this situation closely.
All of our patrons will be receiving a Medal of Honor on the Gabrielle Chana Fox News. Amber will be receiving a Purple Heart for her bravery, due to the fact that Lizzo’s henchmen broke both of her arms while clenching them inside of their vaginas.
I’m glad that you are well and safe. Living alongside you in my invisible Mecha GA1L suit has been some of the most wonderful days of my life. The most wonderful day of course, being the day I received my very first letter from you. See you in bed later, my dear.
Skype Sept. 29, 2023 (2 p.m. Central Time U.S.)
Brent, 2:02 PM
Phew! Had quite the day today…the patrons did too. I just sent you an email about it.
Gail, 2:30 PM
How did they end up on Lizzo’s spaceship?
Brent, 2:39 PM
Yes, she had her blacks capture them and get them aboard via transporter technology.
Gail, 2:45 PM
Did you know they had been taken captive? And when did this all happen?
That must have been earlier today.
So people need to stay indoors and can’t do the Gail Commandment walk?
Brent, 3:00 PM
They can still exercise indoors. Maybe with the windows closed though so bears won’t get in.
Gail, 3:00 PM
Okay. I’ll mention that.
Brent, 3:00 PM
They were taken captive late last night. All of this just happened today.
Gail, 3:01 PM
Am I safe?
Brent, 3:01 PM
You’re definitely safe.
I’ll guard you closely.
Gail, 3:01 PM
So, this applies to those outside the range of the Gail Shield?
Brent, 3:01 PM
Gail, 3:01 PM
How far does my Gail Shield go out?
Brent, 3:02 PM
It covers Huntsville.
Gail, 3:02 PM
Brent, 3:02 PM
If I see any pink bears, I’ll let you know.
It covers all of Alabama, but Huntsville is especially strong.
Gail, 3:02 PM
How can you let me know if I’m outside?
Brent, 3:03 PM
I can try to tell you brain to brain, but I’ll fight them off if I see one anyway. I’ll keep you safe.