Brent Spiner’s Email About Space Battle (Jesuits vs. Church of Gail May 31, 2012)
THIS IS A HISTORICAL ARCHIVE POST.
Can see new 2012 Church of Gail at https://www.gabriellechana.blog/2018/05/09/may-2012-space-battle-between-jesuits-church-of-gail-jim-carrey-dies/ & https://www.gabriellechana.blog/2017/04/03/videos-forbidden-at-youtube/ (has actual video Skype recording of Gail with her men about Church of Gail destroyed in 2012)
(Gail at Church of Gail website on May 31, 2012) Hi folks, this is an e-mail I just received from Brent Spiner:
My dearest Gail,
We are nearing earth. I can finally see our sun in the distance, so I know we are getting close. Thankfully I have my laptop with me or I wouldn’t be able to communicate with you at all from here. I need to explain what happened now that we are finally safe.
The Jesuits were continuing their open fire on our location. Not a second after I sent my last e-mail to you, a massive explosion rocked the church, and I immediately felt myself being yanked through the air down the corridor. My flailing arms managed to snag a pylon for my body to cling to. I held my laptop in my teeth, refusing to let it go. I then looked behind me to see that the torpedoes had ripped a clean hole straight through our hull. With our shields down, we couldn’t close it. To my horror, Matthew McConaughey and Jim Carey, who had been only yards away from me when the hull was breached, had been sucked right out into space! I cried out their names. Hugh Jackman was in the same position as I, holding himself tightly against a railing a little further down the corridor. He too saw the plight of our men outside the church, their helpless bodies drifting away into the cold bleakness of space. That was when Hugh whipped out a rope. He tied one end to his waist, and the other to the railing, then launched himself after the two men. I turned my hopeful gaze to watch him through the window.
Hugh tread his arms forward like he was swimming through an ocean, gritting his teeth as his blood began to boil in the vacuum of space. Hugh Jackman is used to his blood boiling so he was able to push through it, but Matthew McConaughey wasn’t faring nearly so well. The vacuum was causing his body to swell like a balloon. Hugh swam faster and harder, and until finally he was able to grab Matthew by the leg. His free arm stretch to swipe Jim Carey, but accidentally knocked him so hard he merely sent the man’s body spinning in circles. “All righty then!” Jim Carey shouted, his body twirling endlessly through space until it disappeared. A tiny, manly tear bubbled up from Hugh Jackman’s eye and floated off into space, shimmering like a distant star. Unable to rescue Jim, Hugh had no choice but to turn back. Not far behind them, the Jesuit warship loomed. Moments later there was a loud, liquid burst, and another explosion, causing the pylon I was holding to rattle and shake. The Jesuit warship had set off a massive nukkake! My head ached and I realized our brain to brain servers had been knocked offline from the radiation. I was in anguish. How would I reach my love, my precious Gail, to tell her if anything happened to me? The next thing I knew the corridor was being invaded with blobs of floating semen and I was shaking my head trying to keep the globules away from my face.
By the time Hugh and Matthew got back to the ship, Matthew’s body was so swollen it couldn’t fit through the hull again. Hugh landed himself on the deck, returning his grip to the railing he had tied himself too. With a heavy grunt, Hugh strained, pulled, and lodged Matthew into the hole behind him, plugging up the deck. I felt myself crash to the floor as the atmosphere on the deck stabilized. That was when Vladimir came running down the corridor, shouting to see if we were all right. I could see that he was drenched in semen, and he was holding his eye. All three of us nodded and told him we were okay.
“We have to get out of here,” I told Vladimir, but Vladimir shook his head. We had much larger issues at stake than our church being destroyed. He pointed with his free hand to the Jesuit warship out the window. This warship, he said, was part of a massive project. In fact, his intelligence team had known about this for quite some time. “Look at the top of that warship, and tell me what it looks like,” Vladimir said. I gazed out the window and opened my mouth in shock. “Is…is that a…” I began to ask, and Vladimir solemnly nodded. It was just like the handheld version…only longer, girthier, more solid than steel, and the Jesuits had installed it on the very crest of their warship. There it was right in front of my eyes…the Orgasmic Telefornication Ray.
Vladimir went on to elaborate, confirming what we all instantly knew. Like the handheld version, the weapon was designed to make a target insanely, uncontrollably aroused. This gigantic, megaton version affixed to the top of this warship was going to be used to target not just one, but masses of people on earth — and they were planning to unleash their first experiment on Florida! If they did this, my dear, you would have been caught in the middle of the chaos. Everyone around you would have been raping each other, but most especially you. People would be climbing into your windows, snatching people up, trying to rape you. I wanted to send a message for everyone to hide their kids and hide their wives, because they would be raping everybody out there. But with a weapon this powerful, there would have been nowhere to hide. They would be banging on your doors until they ripped it open, climbing through the air vents, and if you had been in your car at the time, they would have stacked their bodies all over your car, raping anything they could get a hold of. The potential of this superweapon could not be understated.
Vladimir told us that he had a plan, but he needed Hugh and I to help gather up all of the injured men while he worked on it. We of course agreed. Hugh and I turned into a run down the corridor to go find the others. We didn’t get very far. About two feet into the journey, Hugh slipped on all the fallen semen, and came into me from behind, knocking us both into the ground under the force of his pushing. I cried out, wincing in pain. We grunted and struggled, both of us now drenched in bodily fluids. Hugh grabbed my waist from behind and tried to steady me on my knees, but I caved in again as he fell forward on top of my back. It was a mess. Our hands and shoes squeaked against the slippery floor as we tried to right ourselves. Hugh was able to steady himself first. With one hand on the wall, he reached down with the other to grab my hand, but in my clumsiness I only dragged him back into the ground into the semen and my body. About 45 minutes later we were able to gradually inch toward the end of the corridor. Vladimir, concerned, and still holding his eye, asked if we were going to be okay. Hugh waved to him affirmatively. We then continued on our way, and Vladimir hurried quickly to the bridge.
I was gathering up men from where they had been blown about the corridors, many of them unconscious. That was when I suddenly felt the ship moving underneath us. I decided to look out the window to see where we were headed. We were growing closer to the Jesuit warship. In fact, we were getting so close, I knew something must be wrong, and I shouted for Vladimir, wondering what was going on. The tip of our tower was headed straight into the port orifice of the Jesuit warship! I braced for impact. I heard the explosion as the church crushed through the opposing ship. I thought for sure this had been a suicide mission, and I prayed. Just then, the warp engines engaged, and the battered decks rattled and shook as we took off into deep space. I was able to steady myself enough to look out the window again. In the distance, the Jesuit warship was in pieces, breaking apart into space like a giant bread crumb. My initial cheers turned into screams as the sound of the ship blasting apart was followed by a massive shock wave headed straight toward our church. I swear it was just inches from my face at the window, tailing just behind us at warp speed. Increase speed, Vladimir, I thought. You have to increase speed. In just moments our warp speed jumped a little higher, then a little higher, and I smiled as the shock wave shriveled behind us. We had beat it! We had beat them, and that awful Jesuit warship.
Our success had lasted only about thirty minutes. After that we had lost all power again, and our church had ground to a dead halt. After some time Vladimir made his way down to my position and explained our situation. Our engines were overheating so severely the ship was raring to explode. He had tried taking the engines offline but it was no use. Upon further inspection he had discovered that they had caught on fire when the two ships had collided. We were running out of time. We were going to have to abandon ship. Vladimir and I gathered up all the men in to the escape pods, two men per pod. Matthew McConaughey had to be stuffed into his own, for sure. Vladimir and I took the last one, and it was just in time. Almost as soon as our pod launched from the docking port, we watched the last remnants of the church blast apart in a massive, colorful explosion.
I am writing to you now from the escape pod, traveling at a gruelingly slow sublight speed. Vladimir gave me a look over about an hour ago. Most of my bones have been broken. I’ve punctured both of my lungs, and I have two black eyes. I know that most of my injuries came from slipping in the hallways that had been doused with nukkake. I am very lucky to be alive. Vladimir escaped mostly unharmed. He is covered in third degree burns over 90% of his body, but the remaining 10% of him is just fine, and I know he’ll pull through this. The bad news is that he has contracted herpes of the eye, which as I understand can lead to herpes of the brain if it isn’t treated swiftly, so I am very worried for him. We don’t know how we are going to land safely, since we can’t beam down from the escape pods. The important thing is we are safe for now. We will figure this mess out soon. That I can promise you.
I will be home soon my love.
Your husband,
Brent Spiner