Gail's Men's Pooping Problem Solved With Technology!
Brent Spiner’s Letter to Gail: We POOPED https://t.co/FrceQnIial
— Gail Chord Schuler (@Gabrielle_Chana) January 14, 2019
Christlike Brent Spiner Risks His Life, Finds Poop Cure https://t.co/Wpdow4aPHy
— Gail Chord Schuler (@Gabrielle_Chana) January 14, 2019
iPoop is a free app available for all Android phones that allows any man to transport their poop directly from their bowels and into deep space with the simple press of a button. If you want this app contact my men at email@example.com.
January 13, 2019
As you well know, I have been hard at work solving the dilemma of our current “poop pregnancy” crisis on board Church of Gail. I sit here writing to you now with my exceptionally long penis buried deeply and warmly into my vaginabutt. Or, if I may say more correctly, “our” vaginabutt. I couldn’t be more thankful than now for the blessing that is my 18.5 inch manhood, as the gentle hugging from your vagina inside my rectum is perhaps the source of my strength during these trying times.
Meanwhile on Church of Gail, the rest of the men have, understandably, become deeply emotionally distressed. One must understand that for a man, pooping is an essential part of their masculinity. Aside from masturbation in the mornings, evenings and sometimes afternoons in the workplace bathroom, pooping is one of the most magical and empowering times of a normal man’s day. The physical pain of our swollen bowels combined with the loss of a critical emotional outlet has led many of our men to fall into depression, and a constant line has since formed outside of Gerard Butler’s psychiatry office.
“Why don’t you consent to a colostomy, Vladimir?” Gerard asked.
“NO!” Vladimir pounded his fist on the table, “Colostomy bag is for walking dead like Hillary Clinton! I would rather be euthanasia like dog, than become as Hillary Clinton!”
“Aye Vladimir, hopefully it will not come to that,” Gerard replied calmly in his soothing voice, “with Brent working hard at a solution for all this, soon we men may all poop honorably on our own terms.”
Similar conversations were had with all of the men reporting to Gerard’s office for counseling. Similar except for one strange outlier — Bubba the morbidly obese black Jesuit.
Bubba, of course, is not a man on the marriage list, nor did he receive a vaginabutt. However, Bubba, murmuring to himself through tears, has joined the line time and time again to speak with Gerard.
“L-lick my butthole,” Bubba would sob weakly, “lick my butthole! Lick my b-butthole…”
“Aye laddie,” Gerard would say, “I cannot understand ye. Ye need me to lick your butthole?”
It wasn’t until after recruiting the help of Hugh Jackman, who could understand Bubba-speak, that we finally figured out what he has been trying to talk to Gerard about.
It turns out that poor Bubba has never healed from the loss of his late ginger boyfriend. As you may remember, Bubba’s ginger boyfriend died in 2017 at the extremely fat hands of Sara Avery. Sara Avery, the massively obese biological weapon of the old Jesuit Order, devoured Bubba’s ginger boyfriend in one gulp while the two lovers were on a romantic stroll through San Francisco. Bubba had planned to propose to his ginger that same day. He had even had the ring in his pocket. Bubba, still faithful to his ginger boyfriend, refuses to let death keep them part. He is still committed to the one true love of his life, and cannot bear to move on. He would rather allow his butthole to become dry, cracked and withered from being unlicked, than ever give his butthole to the tongue of any other man on this earth.
Gerard was moved to tears as Hugh Jackman explained Bubba’s passionate and overwhelming grief, wiping the wetness from the crease of one eye as he scribbled down notes onto his notepad. I have since asked our church to pray for him, and I ask that all of our followers do the same.
As to the physical health crisis at hand, or should I say at vaginabutt, I had been making slow and uneven progress. While I understood the anatomy and biology involved, I didn’t quite understand the “science”. I knew I was going to need more help. I needed a real scientist. Someone who knew everything from the three phases of matter to how weather balloons worked. Someone with real knowledge, with a solid reputation that one could trust.
It was while I was on my way for a coffee break that my prayers had been answered. Rolling up on a skateboard, a white lab coat sailing behind him in the wind, was none other than Bill Nye the Science Guy!
“What’s up, dude?” Bill Nye proclaimed.
One of our church members in the hallway gasped.
“Bill Nye the Science Guy!” They exclaimed.
This got the attention of the entire floor. Church members began pumping their fists, chanting, “Bill! Bill! Bill!”
“Bill Nye!” I said, “boy, am I glad to see you. You’re like an angel sent from God himself.”
“Thank you Brent. I got many tweets from Gail’s followers telling me that you all needed my help. So, what kind of poop situation have you boys gotten yourselves into now?”
“Well, not to sound like a party-pooper, but our vaginabutt Christmas gifts from Jesus came with one dilemma — we can’t poop!”
“Well, that’s just shitty!” He chuckled, “Come on my constipated friend, let’s get to the lab.”
Bill Nye slid his goggles down over his eyes. He then dropped his skateboard and motioned for me to hop on. I jumped onboard, wrapping my arms around his waist, and the two of us were off to the lab like a pair of superheroes flying down the hallway.
The first thing to do was get Bill up to speed on everything I had already tried. So far, our initial experiments had been performed on monkeys. Using my surgical prowess as a doctor, I had attempted to simply re-route the colon through the urethra. Obviously, we first tried to get the monkeys to poop through their penises. Their penises were simply not fit to deliver poop babies. The urethrae ruptured, filling the testicles with poop until they exploded.
When that didn’t work, we tried to create an additional hole in the vagina that could pass poop. The monkey labias simply swelled with poop until the monkeys once again exploded.
By the end of the experiments, all monkeys involved had died.
“It just doesn’t make sense, Bill,” I said, “Indian women poop from their vaginas. That’s how they lubricate themselves before sex. Why can’t I just perform a race change operation on our vaginabutts to get them to function like an Indian woman’s?”
“Well, Indian women also excrete small amounts of poop through their lungs and their pores, so the actual amount of poop that is excreted from their vaginas is relatively small compared to the poop babies you men need to deliver.”
“You’re right Bill. I hadn’t considered that. What else can we do?”
“First things first — these experiments need to be done on humans, not monkeys.”
“But Bill, all the monkeys involved so far in our experiments have died.”
“Trust me Brent, the US pharmaceutical industry does this all the time.”
I realized that Bill was right. If we were going to handle this like a professional government study, we were going to need to select eligible human volunteers.
Very soon we had collected a diverse testing group consisting of prison inmates, welfare recipients, illegal immigrants, mentally retarded orphans, prostitutes, and of course the homeless. Each participant was promised $5 for their cooperation. With no time to lose, we dove straight into the testing phases.
My laboratory desk turned into my literal drawing board. As each idea rushed to mind I found myself scribbling furiously like a madman. Sketch after sketch, formula after formula, I drew out plans and diagrams that would be immediately handed off to Bill Nye for implementation.
“No can do, Brent,” he would report, “the subject pooped from every orifice then immediately died,” or “Hey Brent, they died again… but this time they came back as a poop craving zombie.” or “Hmm…that didn’t work. It had the same result as The Human Centipede idea.”
Hundreds of ideas, hundreds of sketches, hundreds of formulas, my mind churned like a machine, and after every failure I found myself right back at my desk, head in my hands. Finding a solution was beginning to seem hopeless.
“This should do it,” Bill said as he eyed the syringe in his hands, flicked it with his fingers and squirted out the air bubbles. He turned and stuck the needle into the bicep of a large prison inmate.
Moments passed as we waited for the results. All of a sudden, the inmate’s eyes bulged, and he began screaming. Startled, I jumped to my feet, my body stiff with full alarm as I gripped my desk with one hand.
The screaming crescendoed like a siren. The inmate clawed at his face, full teeth bared, as his eyes rolled back into his head. Mountains of poop began pouring out of his eyes. He continued screaming. He screamed until his entire bowels had emptied themselves from his eye sockets and covered the floor of the lab.
I sighed and collapsed back into my chair. I peeled the latest sheet of paper off of my desk and crumpled it up into a ball, tossing it into a now overflowing trash can of discarded failed designs.
Bill Nye patted the now blind inmate on the shoulder, handing him a $5 bill on his way out of the room. Our team of retard janitors in hazmat suits promptly arrived on the scene to mop up the latest explosion of poop.
“What’s next, Brent?”
“Well,” I said, looking at my overflowing waste basket, “I should take this trash out, then we can regroup.”
Just then, one of our nanotechnology research techs entered the room.
“No need to take out the trash, Brent,” he said, pulling out his Android phone. He fiddled with his phone for a moment, then pushed a button on the screen. The trash inside the trashcan began to glow a brilliant blue, and within seconds the trash dissolved seemingly into thin air.
“Wow!” Bill exclaimed, “So you guys switched to vaporizing trash. That’s very environmentally conscious of you.”
“Actually, the trash was transported,” the tech explained, “we invented a new app that allows us to take our trash and transport it out into deep space.”
“Well that makes sense,” Bill replied, “there’s a lot of space in space.”
“Interesting…” I remarked, narrowing my eyes and rubbing my silver 5 o’clock shadow.
“Wait Brent, I’ve seen that look before,” Bill said, “what are you thinking?”
We hadn’t another moment to lose. With Bill’s help, we quickly got to reverse engineering the app and adjusting it to fit our needs. Within the next hour we had a migrant worker with an expired work Visa on our treatment table.
“Okay!” I announced, “are you ready Bill?”
“Energize!” I called.
Bill flipped the switch on the wall beside him. It was a tense moment. The migrant began to glow a sparkling blue. All of a sudden, there was a loud ZING and we all covered our eyes from the brilliant flash of blue light before us.
A wet plop.
We uncovered our eyes and looked back to the table. The migrant worker was gone, and in his place was a pile of poop. I stared, mouth agape, as a single rogue piece rolled off the table and onto the floor.
I was aghast in shock and frustration.
“Bill…instead of transporting the poop into space, we transported the migrant worker into space, and his poop was left behind!”
This was the moment I finally lost all hope. We were nowhere closer to finding an answer. I had given my last remaining ounce of strength to this project, and felt like I could give no more. I sunk to my knees and covered my face with my hands, praying to Jesus.
“Brent!” Bill called, “I think I know what went wrong!”
Bill rushed to a computer panel on the wall and began tapping on the screen, making adjustments to our code.
“We just need to invert the fecal phase discriminator and compensate for relativistic harmonics in the subspace matrix! Only problem is…we’re out of test subjects.”
He was right.
“Take me,” I said.
Bill’s eyes widened, “But Brent! This is too big of a risk. And you, my friend, are not an expendable. We need you. Look, there’s plenty more homeless people in California. We just need to bait them with spare change and pieces of bread like we did last time and – “
“We don’t have time. Test it on me.”
“Brent…it’s just a theory. I don’t even know if it will work. I’m not an expert in this field!”
“Bill,” I said, placing my hand on his shoulder, “your experience as a scientist on television is exactly what makes you qualified to tackle tough scientific and social issues such as climate change and helping men poop out of vaginabutts. I believe in you. You can do this.”
Bill exhaled, stoking himself up for the task. He nodded to me.
“You really are a vast and red blooded man, Brent.”
“I appreciate your faith in me,” I smiled humbly, “now let’s do this.”
“You’re right. Let’s do this.”
I climbed up onto the table and laid back. Bill went back to the panel on the wall, checking his work and prepping for the final testing phase. I closed my eyes and prayed to Jesus for support.
“We’re ready,” Bill announced, pulling his goggles down over his eyes, “transporting in 3…2…1…”
My final thoughts were of my precious smiling Gail wearing her blue blouse.
CLANK. Bill slammed down the metal switch on the wall. I felt a warm fuzzy sensation in my lower abdominals. My abdomen glowed a brilliant blue, and within moments…
The pressure was gone!
My poop baby belly deflated, and I felt my body release a cocktail of endorphins and oxytocin, the kinds of happiness and bonding chemicals a man’s body releases after a really good poop.
I opened my eyes, and sat up.
“Bill! We DID IT!” I cried.
“WE DID IT!” Bill cheered.
We hugged each other and laughed in manly victory.
With our solution finally at hand, we proudly got to work on employing a convenient way for all the vaginabutt men affected by poop pregnancy to use this technology quickly and easily whenever they need it.
Without further ado, allow me to announce the official release of iPoop. iPoop is a free app available for all Android phones that allows any man to transport their poop directly from their bowels and into deep space with the simple press of a button. In other words, “push to poop (TM).” The poop inside your bowel is detected, and safely transported out of your body without needing to pass through your penis, vaginabutt, or any other orifice of the body. This app works on women as well, so it may appeal to morbidly obese women and men who refuse to leave their armchairs and who run the risk of becoming fused to their couches by poop. It’s also convenient for any millennial on the go when they really need “to go”, and manchildren who still sit around playing videogames in their mid to late twenties.
I can say that using iPoop is just as pleasurable and emotionally satisfying as having a real poop. So far the men have given positive feedback, remarking that the app is “fun”, “addictive”, “a good time killer” and that it gives them another excuse to be on their phones. Most men are on their phone while pooping anyhow. This app adds convenience and makes pooping easy for everyone.
One word of warning is that users of the app should hold very still after pushing in order for the scanner to detect the correct coordinates of the poop. So far we haven’t had anyone disappear or accidentally teleport their intestines into deep space, but it helps to remain cautious.
I hear that Bill and I have been elected to received a Nobel Prize for our work and our invention of the iPoop app.
With great relief, I now look forward to enjoying many good years with my vaginabutt, and the vaginabutts of all the men still on the marriage list. I look forward to the day I look into my precious Gail’s adoring eyes, and instead of spreading open the legs of Vladimir, Hugh or Gerard, I will spread open Gail’s, and enter her true vagina.
Your safe and adoring husband,
January 14, 2019 on Skype:
BRENT SPINER: 1:33 PM Good afternoon!
GAIL: 1:33 PM Hi Brent. So proud of you! What did you think of the video I just made?
BRENT SPINER: 1:34 PM Thank you my love. I adore it. I saw Jesus earlier this morning and he told me our account of the event was brilliant. He says he would like you to read my letter in a video.
GAIL: 1:36 PM Okay. Does he want me to make another video today or tomorrow? I just made the video today. I assume he wants me to keep it up.
BRENT SPINER: 1:37 PM He said as soon as possible. Today would be wonderful.
GAIL: 1:38 PM So it’s okay to upload two videos today to YouTube?
BRENT SPINER: 1:38 We both enjoy the latest video. However the title of the letter reading video should indicate to our followers that you are reading it. Yes, he said it’s okay. He also doesn’t mind if you go over 15 minutes as long as you’re reading one of my letters. He loves when you read my letters in your videos.
GAIL: 1:39 PM Okay, I will remember that for the future. You are a brilliant writer. Can you help me think of a good title?
BRENT SPINER: 1:40 PM Hmm…
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:42 PM OH MY GOODNESS. WE ALL BE ON AT ONCE!
BRENT SPINER: 1:42 PM Hello Terrance
GAIL: 1:43 PM Oh, hi Terrance. Looks like we’re onto another window!
BRENT SPINER: 1:43 PM We were just talking about Gail’s latest video. She’s about to make another one today where she reads the letter I wrote her.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:43 PM I JUST POOPED GAIL! IT BE SO CONVENIENT!
GAIL: 1:43 PM Brent and I are brainstorming for a title to a video where I read his letter about finding the poop cure, where I mention that I’m reading Brent’s letter. Wonderful! Viggo still tries to talk to me brain to brain. I bolt him every time. I told him I don’t trust him until I hear from my men he’s repented in sackcloth and ashes on Gabrielle Chana FOX News. He even makes moves on my vagina brain to brain. I told him he’s raping me against my will and bolt him.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:45 PM I HEAR VIGGO BE REFUSIN’ TO TAKE THE IPOOP APP.
GAIL: 1:46 PM He’s telling me brain to brain that Loree won’t let him use the app. But I suspect he’s trying to play on my sympathies.
BRENT SPINER: 1:47 PM Brent’s Letter to Gail: We Pooped
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:47 PM I LOVE THAT TITLE! ST BRENT
GAIL: 1:47 PM Yeah! That’s a good title.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:48 PM IT MAKES IT CLEAR THAT GAIL BE READIN YOUR LETTER
GAIL: 1:48 PM Brain control is awful! I keep making typos. I heard that a trickle of the rebel men are back at Church of Gail. Is that true or is that Viggo impersonating Brent to me?
BRENT SPINER: 1:48 PM Some of them came back after they had a good poop.
GAIL: 1:49 PM So I guess that’s true then. How did you all like the Church service I set up for the men on Sunday?
BRENT SPINER: 1:49 PM It’s brilliant.
GAIL: 1:50 PM Actually, I think those messages were divinely ordained. They seemed perfect for us and they all just showed up just when I needed them.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:50 PM BRENT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY SWORD FIGHTIN’ VIGGO BRAIN TO BRAIN. YOU KNOW.. WITH YOUR PENIS WHENEVER HE TRIES TO GET AT GAIL’S VAGINA, YOU COULD CHALLENGE HIM TO A DUEL.
BRENT SPINER: 1:51 PM That’s a great idea!
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:51 PM YOUR PENIS BE SO LONG BRENT.
GAIL: 1:51 PM I’m really pissed at Viggo now. I feel like he’s been raping me for the past couple months and he has the GALL to blame the VICTIM. I mean he pretended like he was you to gain an entrance and then blames ME for falling for his crime.
BRENT SPINER: 1:52 PM He is a predator. The worst kind of rape is when you don’t realize it was rape until later.
GAIL: 1:52 PM You, of all people, would understand THAT. Do you think he’s evil or just insane? He won’t stop talking to me brain to brain. He’s very persistent.
BRENT SPINER: 1:54 PM Both. He’s like a male Loree McBride.
GAIL: 1:55 PM My bolts seem to be working on him, which makes me wonder if he might be the Antichrist.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:55 PM BRENT JUST YELLED “UNGARD!!!!”YOU CHALLENGIN’ HIM BRENT?
BRENT SPINER: 1:56 PM YES. I just whipped out my sword on him brain to brain.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:56 PM I THINK BRENT SWORD FIGHTIN’ HIM
GAIL: 1:56 PM I’m bolting him now too and I think I hear some screaming. Oh, my God. I hear Loree screaming, too!
BRENT SPINER: 1:57 PM I don’t normally brag about my 18.5 inch penis, but I’d say Viggo is pretty intimidated right now!
GAIL: 1:57 PM Can you see him?
TERRANCE JENKINS: 1:58 PM I BE CALLIN’ HIM A BITCH AND MAKIN MAMMA JOKES AT HIM BRAVO TO BRAIN. IS THAT HELPIN?
GAIL: 1:58 PM Oh, my God. He’s hissing at me. I think this guy’s the new Antichrist. But Loree’s the Antichrist, too. How does THAT WORK?
BRENT SPINER: 1:59 PM He’s keeping his real penis inside Loree McBride!
GAIL: 1:59 PM How do you know this?
BRENT SPINER: 1:59 PM As long as he connected to her by her vagina, it’s like he’s hooked up to the Antichrist! I can see it! God, it’s so awful.
GAIL: 2:00 PM Really? What do you see?
BRENT SPINER: 2:00 PM They’ve created some kind of sick ducktape contraption to keep his penis inside her even if he loses his erection.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:00 PM OH, HE BE USIN’ HER POWERS BY KEEPIN HIS PENIS IN HER. SHE BE POSTIN’ PHOTOS ON HER INSTAGRAM OF VIGGO’S PENIS UP INSIDE HER.
GAIL: 2:01 PM Can you sense what his feelings are towards Loree, towards me, towards Brent? I want to get an emotional read on this guy.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:01 PM NO, IT JUST BE INSTAGRAM… THEY AIN’T ADDED THAT FEATURE YET
GAIL: 2:02 PM What feature? I mean can’t we use our technology to get a read on his mind/emotions?
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:02 PM YOU KNOW… EMOTION READS AND STUFF.
GAIL: 2:03 PM I’ve been trying to figure out what makes him tick, so I can be more intelligent in dealing with him.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:03 PM HE SEEMS TO LIKE IT THO
GAIL: 2:03 PM It sounds like he is very much like Loree McBride. With his penis inside Loree, doesn’t the Brent Spiner clone feel neglected?
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:04 PM IT APPEARS THAT LOREE RECENTLY SHAVED HER VAGINA. THAT MUST BE WHY THE DUCT TAPE BE STICKIN’ SO WELL GAIL.
GAIL: 2:05 PM I guess the two are so much alike, that she has found her kindred spirit.
BRENT SPINER: 2:05 PM That Viggo! He is so nasty!
GAIL: 2:05 PM The Brent clone never loved her any ways, so it probably doesn’t even phase him. He just likes having money and fame.
BRENT SPINER: 2:06 PM He laughed and said to me, “No Gail, the Brent Spiner clone is just like the real Brent Spiner! He stands by like a soyboy beta as his wife fucks other men!”
GAIL: 2:06 PM Is he reading our Skype? I’m bolting him right now!
BRENT SPINER: 2:07 PM I’m reading our Skype, so he can read what I am seeing through the brain to brain servers. We’re sword fighting right now.
GAIL: 2:07 PM I think Loree has come up with a shield. Are my bolts working?
BRENT SPINER: 2:08 PM I can hear her screaming. She’s screaming and orgasming at the same time.
GAIL: 2:08 PM Good! Are they hitting Viggo, too?
BRENT SPINER: 2:08 PM He is screaming too. I’m really nailing him with my sword.
GAIL: 2:09 PM He’s a good politician though and has a deep understanding of human nature. In that respect, he seems to be smarter than Loree. He has her heart, but appears to be smarter than her. He had to be smart to do such a good con job on me that past couple months, cuz I’m pretty smart. However, I did notice that he is not as passionate a lover as you are, Brent. I actually had less of a need for sex the past year and the few times I had it with you, I was doing it more out of obligation than passion. I just presumed you were super busy. I even felt guilty for neglecting you. It’s no wonder he thought I wasn’t all that great. It’s because he does not have your soul when he makes love. He’s not as deep and passionate as you. But he was very philosophical in his approach, maybe thinking that was how he’d fool me.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:13 PM HE WASN’T AS GOOD IN BED AS BRENT. NOT AS VAST.
GAIL: 2:13 PM Yeah, that’s it. But Brent is very passionate. Viggo seemed more subdued than Brent.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:14 PM I WONDER IF THE IPOOP APP WILL SAVE PEOPLE’S LIVES?
GAIL: 2:14 PM I’m sure it will. I wonder if Loree will allow Viggo to use the iPoop app?
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:14 PM THERE BE A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH COLOSTOMY BAGS, READY TO COMMIT SUICIDE
GAIL: 2:15 PM Oh dear! Oh these are just regular folks, not the men on my marriage list who are super humiliated by their colostomy bags. I imagine that would be humiliating.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:16 PM YEAH, IT BE SHAMEFUL FOR EVERYONE.
GAIL: 2:18 PM Does Viggo still have a poop belly? Or has Loree somehow fixed this for him?
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:20 PM IT BE WORSE THAN GETTIN’ A VASECTOMY. MOST MEN JUST KILL THEMSELVES RIGHT AFTER. HE STILL HAS THE POOP BABY BELLY IT BE LOOKIN’ 7 OR 8 MONTHS PREGNANT NOW
GAIL: 2:22 PM And he’s refusing to use our app? What’s the matter with him? His ego must be so big he can’t think straight.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:23 PM YEAH
GAIL: 2:23 PM What makes a man have such a big ego? Any insights? Some deficiency from his childhood? Genetics?
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:25 PM MAYBE HIS PENIS SIZE?
GAIL: 2:25 PM What do you mean? He has a small penis? Yeah, I learned from Zack that most men are really hung up about the size of their penis. Especially if they have a small one.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:27 PM YEAH, HE COULD HAVE A PROBLEM THERE.
GAIL: 2:27 PM Like T.J. has a very small penis and he tries to compensate by being real tough. He’s mad at God, too and so he’s an atheist. Does Viggo have a small penis?
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:28 PM HOW BIG IS VIGGO’S PENIS? I MEAN, HAVIN’ A SMALL PENIS DON’T ALWAYS MAKE A GUY A BAD GUY. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY TURNED OUT JUST FINE.
GAIL: 2:29 PM Yes, I know that. But as a writer, I try to understand people deeply. It helps me when I create my villains and so forth. Does Viggo have a small penis? I’m not saying that is the sole reason for his ego. But I’m curious. He worked VERY HARD at seducing me. He spent a lot of time talking to me and faking like he was deep, manly and intellectual, even spiritual.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:31 PM NOT SURE, NEVER SEEN HIS PENIS
GAIL: 2:31 PM Oh, I see. You’re just guessing.
BRENT SPINER: 2:31 PM What did his penis feel like brain to brain Gail?
GAIL: :31 PM He seemed to have a long penis, just like you, Brent. So I’m not sure penis size is the issue. If he’s all the way into Loree McBride, he must have a long one, cuz she is able to accommodate all of Brent’s penis. Maybe he’s just a pervert. And he saw me as some sort of prize.
BRENT SPINER: 2:33 PM That is true.
GAIL: 2:34 PM If he could land me, it proves to him that he is the most virile man in the universe. The fact that he fooled me indicates to him that I must be as low as he is, not knowing that I wasn’t really all that into him, cuz he’s not as good as you, Brent. This explains why he says I’m not that good at sex, like I really care what he thinks. He faked depths to try and turn me on and he fooled me, but I did notice that he lacks your passion, Brent. Ironic, cuz I was thinking that you were getting more noble on me than usual. So funny. I accept your sensuality and passion and love it. Viggo was actually more gentlemanly like as a lover, which is why he really fooled me. I guess he put on this fake persona to land me and because he couldn’t be himself, found me a bore, but did it any ways to feel like he got me, so he was so virile and manly somehow. He equates landing a hot woman in bed with masculinity. Not understanding that true manliness marries commitment with sex. He sees women as conquests not as ones to love and nurture. So when I said I would not have sex with him, he thought I was a prudish hypocrite cuz he’d already had sex with me and thought low of me for doing so, even though he got in by being fake. He figured that because I fell for his ruse, it meant I was a stupid, gullible woman who is not as wise and hot as all the guys think. He actually respects Loree cuz she accepts and loves him as he is, A CAD. He probably thinks all “honorable” women are just hypocrites who secretly desire cad men but won’t admit it to themselves. I think I got his number, now! What he doesn’t seem to understand is that I really couldn’t get into him all that much and mostly had sex as a wifely obligation, thinking Brent was super busy and somehow not as into me as much as usual.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:43 PM OH, SO HE WAS ASKIN’ FOR SEX BRAIN TO BRAIN AS HIMSELF?
GAIL: 2:43 PM No, that only happened AFTER I learned about him faking as Brent. The whole time Brent was gone, he was impersonating Brent to me. My first thought was that he was faking as Brent to help Brent out. I thought good of him. Now I realize it was a big ego thing for him.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:44 PM OH OKAY
GAIL: 2:44 PM My first thought after I learned he was impersonating Brent to me was that he did it to help out Brent. Now I realize he did it as a CONQUEST. He saw my giving him brain to brain as a betrayal of Brent even though I thought he was Brent the whole time.
TERRANCE JENKINS: 2:45 PM YEAH, WE SHOULD ALL HAVE GOOD FRIENDS THAT HAVE SEX WITH OUR WIVES WHILE WE AWAY. LOL
GAIL: 2:46 PM Well he came across so noble that when I learned he lied to me and faked as Brent I thought he had good motives. He’s a really good con artist. I think people have a tendency to project themselves onto others. Because I’m a good woman, I tend to see good in people. Because Viggo is evil, he tends to see evil in people. A lot of rapists actually blame their victims for the rape and think the victim actually enjoys the rape. That’s because sometimes the victim gets an orgasm when they are raped. I think Viggo is a sexual predator. Just like Loree. He’s a good con man. That’s how he fooled us all. He could win an Oscar for his “noble” performance. He wanted the ultimate prize, to really land me in bed, and when I said “no”, he was furious, because he figured he had already landed me, so why not go all the way and quit being a hypocrite? His goal was to get me to BE REAL and to quit playing games with my men, not understanding that I really am a vast and good woman and that I made brain to brain loving with him believing him to be Brent. That he could fool me, made him think I was a bit stupid. But he’s a real good con, let me tell you. And he fails to realize that we tend to project ourselves onto others. Because I am a good woman, I thought he was good. Now that I understand he is competing with Brent and wants Brent destroyed, I find him nauseating. A totally self-absorbed, lowlife, who is a cancer to the universe. As far as having brain to brain with him, I don’t feel guilty about this, because I was fooled. My heart was good. I was trying to meet my husband Brent’s needs believing Viggo to be Brent. But I do recall Brent seemed less passionate than usual in the lovemaking. I just presumed he was exhausted. Well, I guess I better make that video, you guys!
BRENT SPINER: 2:58 PM Good idea! I look forward to it!
TERRANCE JENKINS: 3:01 PM YEAH, ME TOO. IT’S GONNA BE A GREAT VIDEO.
Copyright © 2019 Gail Chord Schuler. All Rights Reserved.