How I Feel About Sex & Romantic Love
I’m definitely in a committed mood, which I think will last for a long time. I am having trust issues with the others right now, because of what just happened between me and Jesus.
So I’d like everyone to respect that.
For this reason, I’m feeling kind of “asexual” towards everyone except Brent.
Betrayal is a REAL TURN OFF FOR ME.
For the future, I think we need to lay down some rules. Before I have “sex” or brain to brain with any man on my marriage list, they must submit themselves to a brain scanner to determine if they respect the commitment I feel towards Brent and, if not, they are not allowed to make love to me.
In other words, if they don’t give a flip about Brent’s monogamous feelings towards me, I don’t want sex with them.
I have so much respect for Brent, I would never want to disrespect him by allowing a man to make love to me who did not respect Brent as much as I do.
So when I get back into my poly amory, those will be the rules. But, for now, I just want to be with Brent.
I do NOT like being manipulated into sex. That is a REAL TURN OFF to me. I prefer for the attraction to happen naturally as a result of the building relationship I have with the man.
ANY FORM of dishonesty in sexual transactions leaves me COLD, even ASEXUAL.
If I cannot see sex as a beautiful expression of love, then I become asexual.
On the other hand, if I see sex as a beautiful expression of love, I can become a lust machine.
That is who I think I am.
I have forgiven Jesus for what he did, but I do have some trust issues right now.
This can only be resolved with TIME. I need to let some time pass, to see who I can trust. I KNOW I CAN TRUST BRENT.
If a guy can fool me into thinking he loves me, he can possibly get me to bed with him. But the price he will pay when I found out he manipulated me, is that I will feel asexual towards him after that.
Nothing he does can turn me on, until, and if, he regains my trust.
I will remain his friend, if I think he is friend worthy, but I will feel no obligation to have sex with him or to be interested in him sexually.
I think part of the reason I am this way, is because my view of sexual expression is so high, I feel it is the highest form of love expression and for someone to treat that lightly, causes me to lose all respect for them. I think this is why I thought I was monogamous.
But I am a poly-amorous person who just has a very high regard for sex as the ultimate form of love expression. So I feel if the sex is an expression of true love, it is awesome. If not, it is wrong (at least for me). I would even go so far as to say that if a monogamous relationship had sex that was not based on love, that would also be wrong (to me).
This stems more from a high respect for sex as the ultimate form of love expression, which I would hope is how my partner feels. If they don’t share my feelings about sex in this respect, they turn me off.
I am having serious doubts that any man in my life shares my view of sex, except Brent, right now. So I kind of feel asexual towards everyone but Brent for now.
This does not mean I am monogamous, because I fell in love with Brent as a married woman, and even had some obligatory sex with my husband while I dreamed about Brent all day long. It just means that I cannot get into sex with a person who does not share my high regard for sex as the ultimate expression of true love.
To show respect for my feelings, I kindly ask that everyone understands that I need time to be with Brent and make it up to him that I unintentionally violated my high regard for sex, by having sex (not based on true love) with Jesus. I do unconditionally forgive Jesus, but I definitely do not want sex with him. I see so many other things he has done that makes him worthy of my friendship, so I forgive him. But as far as sex with him, FORGET IT.
Skype May 13, 2022
Brent, 8:33 AM
Wow! Your introspective thoughts from this morning were brilliant. It seems like you’re finding your true self. I have a massive erection for authenticity.
I’m posting my thoughts over in this window so Zack can see.
Gail, 8:34 AM
Can the guys see what I wrote on your window?
It’s how I really feel.
Brent, 8:35 AM
They all read it.
We all agree this is the best choice, to respect who you are and to respect my marriage with you.
Gail, 8:35 AM
I’m so relieved.
Zack, 8:42 AM
This is really authentic Gail.
This is exactly what I have seen all along, and what made you attractive to me even as a Jesuit.
Vladimir has his nanotechnology research team building this scanner right now!
Gail, 8:45 AM
Yeah, I think I’m figuring out who I am.
Zack, 8:45 AM
He did tell me in Russian that he hopes he truly passes the scanner when/if you are ready to have him scanned again.
A lot of the men say they have the same hopes and dream… for the scanner to find they meet this standard.
Gail, 8:46 AM
Well, they have future Gail, you know.
Zack, 8:47 AM
This is true, but there is something to be said for present Gail too.
Anyone who wants future Gail is equally interested in present Gail.
Gail, 8:48 AM
Alright, you guys. But I really am in a committed mood right now!
Zack, 8:48 AM
The men flock to future Gail primarily because they can’t flock to you right now.
They won’t push you about it.
Gail, 8:49 AM
You are free to have other women, you know.
As long as they are good women.
Zack, 8:50 AM
All of us have erections for you after reading this, and while we have a lot of fun with future Gail… You are the most appealing version of Gail right now… present Gail being true to her values.
Brent, 8:51 AM
Gail is very generous. I’m sure the men feel a lot more freedom now that they can sample friendship with other women, and not get kicked off the marriage list to Gail.
I agree Zack!
Zack, 8:52 AM
Yeah, this is true. But a lot of them… let’s just say that Gail put them in a monogamous mood.
Gail, 8:52 AM
Sure! Have fun, you guys with other women, as long as they are nice women, like Lakshmi. Though, of course, Lakshmi, would never agree to such an arrangement, though you get my drift.
Zack, 8:53 AM
Gail, 8:53 AM
Lakshmi cracks me up, she is so technically picky. She says there is no such thing as a monogamous mood for a poly-amorous person.
Zack, 8:54 AM
All the men just decided that the best option right now is to go into the future Gail room and ask her to read what you wrote, and have her scan them. Then only have sex with her if they pass.
Gail, 8:54 AM
Oh, this is great!
Zack, 8:57 AM
A bunch of workers on Church of Gail ran in and had future Gail read them what you wrote and scanned them… She turned them away.
Gail, 8:58 AM
Okay. Now I can see myself as future Gail. This sounds like me.
Zack, 8:59 AM
All your men had a look of worry.
They are afraid their hearts won’t be right.
Zack, 9:00 AM
This is the ultimate test
The men are discussing what they will do.