Gail Commandments Explained
I explained the Gail Commandments, given to me by Jesus. Here are all of them.
Thou shalt take Seroquel, the medication designed by Jesus, every day as prescribed at the same time every day.
Thou shalt eat a balanced diet without concerns about allergens or toxins, using the method of calories-in calories-out as a guide to weight management.
Thou shalt not toil in activities, even honorable work for the Lord, to the extent that sleep is sacrificed. Set aside at least eight hours per night for sleep.
Thou shalt honor the Lord’s temple by taking time every day to self-groom, bathe, brush teeth, and stay clean.
Thou shalt honor the home of Jesus’s favorite by taking time every day to clean, wipe down, laundry, vacuum, and dust your apartment.
Thou shalt go on walks every day, enjoying the day that the Lord has made. Unless he made the day rainy or unsuitable for walks, then exercise indoors with the window open.
Thou shalt spend money only on food and bills. Being mindful that spending money on a deal or impulse is not saving money if it is to buy more than you need or something you wouldn’t have otherwise bought.
Thou shalt take only one multivitamin and one allergy medication per day. Taking supplements or special foods in an attempt to improve a health condition or alleviate symptoms is off limits.
Thou shalt store away a savings of at least one hundred dollars every month for the future. Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.
Thou shalt make a YouTube video every week to share the victories, defeats, and daily struggles and joys of your life with your followers. This will serve to archive your life for future generations of tribulation saints.
Gail Commandments 2.0
God said, let there be light. Thou shalt keep the windows unobstructed and the blinds open every day, enjoying the beautiful view the Lord has given.
Thou shalt not keep storage items in the living areas. Any storage items that do not fit in the allotted storage spaces are considered excess hoard in the sins of gluttony and sloth, and must be thrown away. Storage spaces include closets, dressers and cabinets. Items such as racks, boxes, plastic bins or baskets are not storage spaces, and must be placed inside a closet or cabinet.
Thou shalt not add storage furnishings to the home such as shelves, storage racks or other items used to store or accumulate excess items. The only exception is the addition of a bookshelf, on which only books and movies are kept.
Thou shalt not repurpose items to create new furniture — for example, turning a garbage can over to use it as a new table, or using a box to create a new table.
Thou shalt not use air purifiers, humidifiers or other air filtering devices in the home. Doing so exercises unfaithfulness in the Lord to protect one from airborne irritants or illness.
Thou shalt keep the floor space free of loose items, including boxes, containers, laundry baskets, and plastic bins. The home must be as open, light and free as is the heart of the Lord.
Thou shalt not accumulate duplicate items, when only one of these items is required. Unused items must be thrown away. Hoarding excess items exercises unfaithfulness in the Lord to provide for one’s needs.
Thou shalt not stockpile items. This includes excess paper towels, water jugs, or other supplies that are regularly used but are not needed for immediate use.
Thou shalt not keep disposable items such as paper plates, plastic utensils, ziplock bags, plastic bags or other such items.
Thou shalt set aside one purpose for each area of the home. The kitchen’s purpose is for the preparation and storage of food, kitchenware and kitchen cleaning items. The dining table is only for eating and is kept clear between meals. The computer desk is for the computer and contains only items related to using the computer. The nightstand is for the use of a bedside lamp and clock. The bathroom’s purpose is for bathing and contains only bath and self-care items. Each item has its place. Cross pollution between purposes of the home is a sin and will lead to disharmony.
Thou shalt not seek out loopholes around these commandments, lest one breaks all of the commandments at once.