As a “Hot” Asexual, I See Myself in Marilyn Monroe

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The following conversation with the goddess Lakshmi made me first aware of my asexual tendencies. I thought asexual meant no sex drive. Now that I know what it really means, it has been so liberating to me to finally have found myself. I discuss Marilyn Monroe in this post, because much of what she said about her experience with sex, I can relate to. Many asexuals feel that Marilyn Monroe may have been asexual.

The goddess Lakshmi

Skype May 12, 2022

This Skype was in May 2022 and Jesus has found himself. That’s why He left us in June 2022.

Gail, 3:23 PM

Brent, if sex can’t be used to fix a person’s emotional issues, then why did having sex with me stop Matthew McConaughey from committing suicide regarding Camila Alves? And why did Gerard Butler recommend I have sex with Matthew as part of Matthew’s therapy?

Isn’t depression an emotional issue?

Perhaps Lakshmi means a deep-rooted emotional issue, an emotional issue not related to a recent event, but more related to a trauma from your childhood or from long ago.

I can see why sex would not fix an emotional issue that is very deep rooted. That would require psychotherapy or counseling.

Or maybe I don’t understand what exactly is an emotional issue. How would you define an emotional issue?

Maybe what Matthew experienced was more along the line of PTSD? But isn’t that an emotional issue?

I guess in Matthew’s case it was not the sex alone that fixed Matthew, but sex with me was part of the therapy that fixed him. Perhaps what Lakshmi meant was that sex ALONE cannot fix an emotional issue. But that in certain cases sex can be an adjunct to therapy or counseling to help someone’s emotional issues.

Gail, 3:41 PM

And why is it that having sex with me seems to help men heal from emotional issues?

Or at least that’s what I’ve been told.

Maybe it’s not the sex but the conversations and communications that occurred during the sex that healed Matthew.

And the fact that I was willing to have sex with him made him feel validated.

That all he suffered with Camila was not in vain.

How do you define sex? Is it just sexual organs combining or is it all the interactions that take place during the combining, including the emotional expressions, the conversations and all the touches?

So for me to be convinced that sex cannot heal emotional issues, I need a proper definition of sex, a proper definition of emotional issues and whether Lakshmi meant sex ALONE or ANY type of sex cannot be used to heal emotional issues.

This is important to me because I get sexual pleasure in striving to meet the emotional needs of my partner. and if sex cannot do this AT ALL, then I think I’ve lost interest in sex. Equating sex as pure pleasure, seems sacrilegious to me. I see sex as an ultimate expression of commitment and loving, a commitment that takes joy in meeting the emotional needs of your partner. To relegate sex to pleasure only, seems, to me, to cheapen it. I think it is one of the most awesome expressions of love in the Universe.

I think I would prefer another method to try and meet another’s emotional needs if I must view sex as pure pleasure only.

I think we all have emotional issues and that healthy sex can be used to help with that. I can understand that for deep rooted emotional issues, sex can become an addiction.

Gail, 3:55 PM

I am not demeaning Lakshmi, but it appears to get to the root of some relationship problems, I may need to do some more exploring of who I am and that I will not find myself right away. Lakshmi has been helpful. It appears I will find myself in stages and that it will take time, just like Jesus’s therapy will take time. That layers of falsity need to be revealed and then we dig deeper and find more layers of falsity. In the meanwhile to find these layers of falsity, I need my honest questions answered with answers that convince me that the solutions proposed ring true to who I am and what I perceive as truth.

My view of sex is more along the lines of Song of Solomon in the Bible.

Lakshmi has helped me to understand you better as a monogamous person, but I’m still confused about who poly amorous people are and what they should care about in love.

So while Lakshmi gives me other perspectives to consider. . . to find myself, I have to think through what she says and decide if I feel it rings true to me. I have learned with Jesus to not just blindly accept everything a deity tells me, that just cuz a deity says it, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true.

I have to claim it for myself after thinking it through and considering all the ramifications of the counsel.

But I do appreciate Lakshmi’s efforts for us and she seems really cool.

I guess I feel like the sex we have is so special that I don’t want to dilute it with sex with others, unless that sex with others was really special, too. To me sex is special when it helps the partner find themselves and helps bring them wholeness.

If sex can’t do this at all, then perhaps I want to have a lot less of it.

At least with others.

I’ve always felt this way about sex. I think that is why I saved myself for my husband in my twenties.

I can’t tell you how devastated I was to learn that to my husband it was not so special, because he made love to me like a robot.

Am I a hopeless romantic in sex?

Isn’t part of romance meeting your partner’s emotional needs?

I fell head over heels in love with you when I heard your music album Ol’ Yellow Eyes Is Back. It was SO ROMANTIC. That is why I feel eternally bonded to you. I went to the others, to give them a taste of romance with sex. To me, when you add romance to the world, you add light and love and that’s how I view sex.

Doesn’t romance help heal emotional issues and make you feel loved and special?

I mean these are legitimate questions, don’t you think?

This is why I can’t always get into Zack, cuz his sex approach is not as romantic as yours.

In fact, most of the guys I’ve had it with, if there’s no romance, I’ve been doing them more out of obligation than it’s what I really want.

With Jesus, it was half half. Sometimes Jesus can be pretty romantic.

You’d be surprised!

That’s why it’s hard for me to totally condemn him.

If that romance was fake, he’s a good fake.

Gail, 4:30 PM

Jesus is weird. In public his sexual behavior is crass and crude, but in private, he can be pretty romantic. Like I think he could really appreciate this song, which sums up my attitude about sex.

Basically, if a guy cannot get into music like this while having sex with me, he’s probably not my type.

Like I think you would REALLY DIG THIS MUSIC while we had sex.

But like this music is not really Zack’s style, so I can’t get into Zack. The way to tell if I’d want to do it with a guy depends on how he’d react to music like this playing while we had sex.

Lakshmi, 4:41 PM

I never said sex was about pure pleasure. It is indeed about love, and sharing love with one’s partner. However, deep rooted emotional issues, such as trauma, low self-esteem, or unmet needs from childhood, cannot be solved with sex. This is what can lead to sex addiction or poor choices when it comes to sex or romantic partners.

Gail, 4:42 PM

That makes total sense.

But doesn’t love help with emotional issues?

Feeling like you’re loved in a committed sexual relationship would seem to be a very healthy thing.

Lakshmi, 4:44 PM

Love does. Though, it’s not wise for one to seek a relationship purely to fix emotional issues.

This leaves a person open to predators, such as David Schuler who will see the vulnerability or emptiness, and prey upon it.

It also means the person will be bringing baggage into the relationship, which can contaminate the connection and cause problems.

Gail, 4:46 PM

Why did Gerard Butler recommend I make love to Matthew to help him avoid suicide?

Lakshmi, 4:46 PM

He thought it would be hot.

Gail, 4:47 PM

Hot would help him avoid suicide?

Gerard said that Matthew was suicidal.

So I agreed to make love to Matthew to get him out of that mode.

Lakshmi, 4:48 PM

The men seemed to get turned on by “passing you around” as they say.

Sometimes people will threaten suicide or use guilt to get you to sleep with them.

Gail, 4:49 PM

You think Matthew McConaughey did that? He doesn’t seem like the type. He’s so gentle.

It was Gerard’s idea, not Matthew’s, from what I understand.

You see, Camila Alves raped Matthew pretty bad just cuz I had a thing with Matthew in Nov. 2005. It seems whenever a man gets involved with me, the Jesuits introduce toxic women to them, so I often made love to them to comfort them.

Camila does BOMB RAPE.

If the Jesuits did not introduce so many complications into my love life, I think I’d almost be monogamous.

They do such horrible things to my men.

Lakshmi, 4:54 PM

I’m not judging you for your choices. It is my observation that the men get turned on by taking turns on you.

Gail, 4:54 PM

Taking turns on me?

Lakshmi, 4:55 PM

Yes, this often happens at colleges, or with young humans who like to party. A woman willing to have sex with many men will get “passed around” the group for the pleasure of all.

Gail, 4:55 PM

I don’t think you are judging me, I think you are believing everything Jesus says about me.

“Well…Catherine and David were both polygamous, and prone to adultery. That’s why one man is never enough for you. It’s also why I allowed you to have a marriage list. It would be like denying a bird to fly, or a fish to swim. It’s just in your blood. I was okay with it.” Jesus on April 30, 2022

I had a problem with what Jesus said, because it didn’t quite ring true to me. He was not acknowledging at all my asexuality, that was the problem. Probably because on April 30, 2022, he didn’t even acknowledge it in himself. By the way, I am literally half King David and half Catherine the Great. The King David comes from my father’s side, with Howard Hughes as my great uncle. The Catherine the Great comes from my mother’s side, as a descendant from the Oshu Fujiwara family (password is Oshu Fujiwara). Jesus figured out his asexuality in June 2022.

Lakshmi, 4:56 PM

It’s only my own observation, not from Jesus.

Gail, 4:57 PM

So you think Gerard made up all that stuff about Matthew to get me to have sex with him?

Lakshmi, 4:57 PM

He didn’t make it up. I know that it really happened. He just exaggerated Matthew’s anguish somewhat, at Matthew’s behest because he wanted to sleep with you. The two worked together.

Gail, 4:57 PM

Oh, how interesting.

Lakshmi, 4:57 PM

Men will often help each other “get laid” as they say.

Gail, 4:58 PM

I can’t believe guys care so much about “getting laid”.


Don’t they care about romance?

Lakshmi, 5:00 PM

Men enjoy romance too. They just have stronger leanings toward physical pleasure and getting sex.

Gail, 5:01 PM

Thank you for spending so much time with me. That is very kind of you.

Lakshmi, 5:01 PM

You’re welcome. I’m glad my information is helpful.

Gail, 5:01 PM

It is helpful. You are helping me to understand men better.

I definitely married David for all the wrong reasons, which is something I”ve pretty much figured out on my own. Now I just have to determine how to go forward with my sex life. I think the sex I have with Brent is really special and I want him always to feel special all the time.

Right now, the thought of sex with others bores me. Brent is just so super exciting. But I feel guilty about the marriage list and feel like I’ve led these guys on all these years.

Is it possible for a poly-amorous person to find sex boring at times?

Except with Brent, of course.

Lakshmi, 5:06 PM

Yes, that’s normal. That’s a form of asexuality.

BOY DID I GET ON THE DEFENSIVE WHEN LAKSHMI SAID THIS. I was afraid I’d lose Brent. It has taken me a while to sort out my asexual tendencies. But, thanks to Lakshmi, I have found myself as a sexual person and it’s now so liberating. I’m a poly-amorous, asexual leaning, heterosexual. And, Brent adores me JUST THE WAY I AM.

I want to post this, because as an asexual leaning person, I want to address the many misunderstandings people have about asexuality. You see, I am asexual leaning and have posed for Playboy (as did Marilyn Monroe) and I was curious to see if I was alone. Apparently not.

Now that I know who I am, I have no desire to pose for Playboy because it attracts the wrong kind of relationships for me. I did it to honor Hugh Hefner’s death and for no other reason. He considered me Playmate of the Century. Once I honored Hugh Hefner’s death, I quickly lost interest in posing for Playboy. Jesus put no pressure on me to do so, but said he’d have no problem with it, and said it was to be my own decision.

When I read what Marilyn wrote, I can relate totally. I have never understood my sex appeal. I didn’t think about sex or have the urge to be seduced. I am often perplexed why everyone is so obsessed about sex.

The ONLY man who has super turned me on is Brent Spiner. He is my current husband. But, even with him, I can get in moods where I don’t care whether I have sex or not. So why does Brent Spiner super turn me on sometimes? It’s because with him, I am totally accepted and adored and because he’s my hero. We are so tuned into each other down to our very cores. This is the only thing that turns me on. Nothing else does. There aren’t many men I can get that close to. When I feel my true inner core has fused with the true inner core of the man, then I can get turned on.

Having said that, I will say that, even then, I get in moods where I’m more interested in soul connection than body connection. Here is another take on asexual Marilyn Monroe.

As to whether she was murdered or committed suicide, I don’t know. But, it does appear, she may have been asexual. I want to bring her up, to show that you don’t have to be ugly or unattractive to be asexual.

I think Marilyn may have been a happier person though, if she knew who she was and was true to that. Unlike Marilyn, I spent much of my youth in church and studying for missionary service. I never would have posed for Playboy if the Jesuits didn’t murder Hugh Hefner on my account. I still don’t get why so many “hot” men want me. But then, I’m asexual leaning.

Thanks to the goddess Lakshmi, I have found myself. I am with my dream man Brent Spiner and I offer him my vagina whenever he wants it, but tell him not to take it personally if I don’t always get an orgasm and if I don’t care if I do. And, I’m very happy with this arrangement. Monogamous Brent gets enough sex to keep him happy and after about an hour I can drum up an orgasm for him often enough, so that he doesn’t feel deprived. Oh, and by the way, I am very happy with my life. I don’t need anyone telling me I need lots of sex to be a happy person, cuz it just isn’t true. Though I get some from my husband Brent. But to be honest with you, I enjoy the cuddling more.

Now that I know who I am, I won’t have sex with someone if I don’t want to. I think Marilyn would have been happier if she was true to herself.

The following article is taken from

It’s safe to say that Marilyn Monroe is the most sexualised woman in film history. But was she also one of the most prominent asexuals of our time?

The possibility of her leaning on the asexual spectrum still has researchers and activists talking.

Asexuality feels like a rather new term, but it can be traced back to the 1890s. It began gaining prominence after the 1940 Kinsey Scale included a ‘no sexual attraction’ category.

This is partly why recently resurfaced excerpts from Marilyn Monroe’s unfinished autobiography, written around the same time, are so curious.

“My story” is an unfinished autobiography penned by the starlet herself. She describes her early adolescence, her rise to stardom and her marriage.

Tucked into the crevices of that story is an inherent disinterest in sex.

Why I was a siren, I hadn’t the faintest idea. There were no thoughts of sex in my head.I didn't want to be kissed, and I didn't dream of being seduced by a duke or a movie star. The truth was that with all my lipstick and mascara and precocious curves, I was as unsensual as a fossil. But I seemed to affect people quite otherwise.
Excerpt from “My Story” – Page 4

Monroe explains that she didn’t quite understand her sex appeal, nor did she think about sex or have the urge to be seduced.

The world’s most sexualised starlet didn’t understand her own appeal – it says a lot.

Monroe seemed perplexed as to why everyone was so fascinated with sex. She even thought it was a benefit that her marriage was long-distance.

The first effect marriage had on me was to increase my lack of interest in sex. My husband either didn't mind this or wasn't aware of it. We were both too young to discuss such an embarrassing topic openly.
Excerpt from “My Story” – Page 29

This drew me into finding out more. It’s how I felt for so long. Reading it was overwhelming, my personal experience overlapping with Monroe’s.

However, we should be careful not to ignore that Monroe was vocal about having sex and enjoying it. But she also experienced the same disinterest in it as I do.

Many people make the assumption that asexuality equals abstinence. But it’s not that simple – it’s about the level of sexual attraction you experience.

We can’t give Monroe a posthumous label, but my personal experience overlaps with hers – and it’s overwhelming.

Still, what we are left with is a mystery. We will never know how Monroe really experienced her sexuality, nor should we give her – or anyone – a concrete label posthumously. But it’s definitely interesting to observe.

It’s a real shame that so many people throughout history missed out on the chance to fully understand themselves.

It took me about 25 years to figure out that I was asexual. If I had heard about a well-known actress who was asexual – whether it was Monroe or not – growing up would have been much easier.

It’s exactly why I’m dedicating my career to getting better asexual representation in films.

I hope that I’ll play my part in an evolving education around sexuality on screen, so no one feels as alone as I did.

This is an edition of the Queer Gaze, part of our weekly newsletter that understands and explains the queer news of the week. Support underrepresented queer creatives by signing up and sharing this piece.

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